Choosing You Read online

  “I have plenty of room, Jade. You can move over.”

  I scoot back toward the middle. He smells so damn good. I don’t know if I can be this close to him, especially after he pressed me against the wall like that. I still have this intense urge to kiss him, which I shouldn’t do because we’re just friends. That’s it.

  About halfway through the movie, Garret’s phone rings and he gets up to answer it. “What do you want, Blake?” He turns away from me. “No, I’m not going over there. You’re not even making sense. How drunk are you right now?” He listens. “Yeah, well, keep them for yourself. I gotta go.”

  “Are you supposed to be somewhere?” I ask as he puts his phone away.

  “No. Blake’s just drunk dialing everyone trying to keep the party going at his apartment.” Garret sits down again, closer to me than before. The weight of his body causes the chair to sink in between us, pushing me into the side of him. I’m not sure if I should push away or stay in this position. I stay and try to act normal.

  “You know, if you want to go out with Blake, I can leave.”

  “I don’t want to go anywhere. I’m in the middle of a movie. And I have a guest.” He puts his arm up behind me, a classic guy move that’s usually awkward and makes me laugh. But Garret’s completely confident with the move, like his arm is supposed to be there, which I find kind of hot.

  His arm maneuver has pushed me even farther into the sinking chair, my hip now wedged against his thigh. I sit there stiffly, completely still.

  “Would you like me to move, Jade?”

  It seems like a simple question, but the answer says a lot. If I tell him to move, it says I’m not interested. But if I tell him not to move, it’ll expose the fact that I actually like him. I decide to do what I always do with guys and try to confuse him.

  “You might as well stay there.” I act annoyed. “If you move again I’ll sink even farther into this stupid chair and I may never get up.”

  “You don’t like my chair?”

  “It’s fine, but I’m finding it hard to get comfortable.”

  “Well, go ahead and do what you need to do to get comfortable.”

  I adjust myself next to him, but I can’t figure out where to put my head with his arm up there like that. It either has to go on his arm or against his chest—both options that will bring us even closer together. Or I could scoot down really far so that I’m underneath his arm but not touching it which would really look stupid. I try a few variations of those options and finally decide to just rest the back of my head against his chest.

  “Are you good now?” he asks, laughing at me.

  “Yes. Now stop talking so I can hear the movie.”

  His arm slides down around me and we watch the rest of the film.

  I don’t know why I’m trying to pretend I don’t like him. We both know this friendship is starting to go somewhere. I’m just not sure where that is.

  On Monday morning, which is also Labor Day, I take the campus map that was in my housing packet and get familiar with the buildings. It’s not a big campus, but I don’t want to end up going to the wrong room on the first day of class.

  I’m taking a mix of subjects because I haven’t decided on a major. I’m still not sure what I want to do after college. I’ve always been good at math and science, but I don’t know what that means for a career. I’ve kind of been thinking about going to med school like Ryan but it’s too early to decide that yet. I haven’t even told anyone I’m considering it.

  When I get back to the dorms, I knock on Harper’s door but she’s not home. I go up to Garret’s room and he’s not home either. I return to my own room and call Ryan. He answers right away.

  “Jade, where were you last night? I tried calling several times.”

  “I was watching a movie. Sorry. How’s Frank?”

  “Good. He’s back home and seems to be doing better. He’s sleeping now but I’ll have him call you later.”

  “So if he gets better can you go back to school?”

  “No. I start job hunting tomorrow. I haven’t told Dad, yet. He’ll kill me when he finds out, but we need the money.”

  “I’ll get a job, too. There has to be something on campus I can do. I’ll send you whatever money I make.”

  “No, Jade. This isn’t your problem. Your job is school and that’s it. Now tell me what’s new with you. Did you say you went to a movie?”

  “No, I stayed here and watched a movie.”

  “With one of the girls on your floor?”

  “Yeah.” I don’t like lying to Ryan but I know he wouldn’t like the truth. “I met this new girl from California. She’s on the tennis team. We spent the whole day together.”

  “Good. I’m so glad you’re meeting people. Listen, I gotta go. But I’ll call you later this week to see how classes are going. And Dad will probably call you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Yeah, bye, Ryan.”

  After we hang up, I grab an old blanket, a book, my potato chips, and some soda and go find a big shade tree to lie under. After a few hours of reading, I drift off to sleep.

  “Jade. Wake up.” I feel someone nudging me. It’s Garret, sitting beside me on the blanket. “How long have you been out here?”

  “I don’t know. What time is it?”

  “Six. We have a swim date in an hour. You should stretch a little before we go.”

  “Nah, I don’t need to stretch. I’m ready.” I sit up, checking to make sure my book is still there.

  “You should at least eat something. What did you do for lunch?”

  I hold up the empty potato chip bag and my almost empty bottle of soda. “Lunch.”

  “That’s it? Let’s go get something quick.”

  “I don’t need anything. Besides, they say not to swim right after you eat.”

  He stands up, holding his hand out. “That’s a myth. Come on, my car’s right over there.”

  “No, I’ll get something later.” I grab his hand, letting him pull me up. “Why do we have to wait until 7? Can’t we just do this now and get it over with?”

  “I guess we could.” He watches as I finish up my soda. “You know, maybe you could act a little more excited. After all, you get to see me practically naked.”

  I stare at him. “Did you seriously just say that?” I shake my head when he doesn’t respond. “Well, someone’s full of himself. Now I’ll make sure I look the other way. Like I really want to see that.”

  He gives me a cocky grin. He knows damn well I want to see his nearly naked body. Every girl on campus would like to see that.

  I pick up my book and take my garbage over to the trash while Garret shakes the grass off my blanket. We go to my room and I realize that he hasn’t been in there since the night he helped me move in.

  “You don’t have much stuff,” he says, surveying the room.

  “I don’t need much stuff. I think most people have too many things. It just ends up being clutter.”

  “My parents have a TV you could have. It’s just sitting in storage if you want it.”

  “I don’t need one.” I go over and wait for him at the door. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”

  He laughs. “You could at least pretend this’ll be fun.” He goes out in the hall and waits while I lock the door. “Don’t you want to bring anything?”

  “Like what?”

  “Change of clothes, shampoo. I don’t know.”

  “You’re not bringing anything.”

  “All my stuff is already over there in my locker.”

  “We’re coming back here after we swim, right? I’ll just change clothes when I get back.”

  The pool is in a building down by the track, next to the fitness center. We go to the locker rooms to change. In the girls’ locker room, there’s a plastic bin full of black, one-piece suits. I find my size and put one on, then grab some towels and wrap one of them around my waist.

  When I get to the pool Garret’s already swimming laps, moving effortlessly i
n the water. He stops when he sees me. As he stands up, I gaze at his chest and abs which are pure muscle, each one defined. His arms are equally chiseled. The boy could be on the cover of a men’s fitness magazine. I look farther down into the water and see that he’s wearing black swim trunks. They’re short and tight but they cover more than those skimpy ones guys wear in the Olympics.

  “Get in.” His voice echoes in the large open room. “It’s cold at first, but you’ll be okay once you start moving.”

  I peel my towel away, feeling self conscious. I haven’t worn a swimsuit since gym class junior year.

  I sit on the edge of the pool, dangling my feet in the cold water.

  Garret swims over to me. “You gotta get in all at once. It’s easier that way.”

  “Maybe this was a bad idea. I don’t really like swimming.”

  “And I don’t like running. But I did it.”

  He reaches up and puts his hands around my waist, picking me up. Before I can protest, he dips me slowly into the pool until the water is just under my collarbone. I grab the edge of the pool, holding myself up.

  “How’s that?” He lets go of me, but part of me wishes he hadn’t. I really liked him holding me like that.

  “Still cold.” My feet search for the bottom of the pool. I can’t find it. It’s not that deep, but I’m not very tall. If I let go I know the water will be at least chin deep, maybe deeper.

  Garret dips his hands in the pool and runs them over the tops of my shoulders, wetting them. “You just need to get used to it. Now go all the way under.”

  “I’m not ready yet.” Actually I was ready, but then I lost focus when his hands touched my skin. His gentle touch caused a tingling sensation to coarse through my entire body, distracting me.

  “Afraid to get your hair wet?”

  I look at him annoyed, then dunk deep into the water and burst up to the surface, tipping my head back to keep the water out of my eyes.

  “That’s better,” he says. “Do you want to do a few laps before we race?”

  “Sure.” I get in position, then kick off the wall doing a basic freestyle stroke as Garret watches. I make sure to go super slow so he’ll assume I’m a horrible swimmer.

  “Okay, I’m ready,” I say after I return from my painstakingly slow lap.

  “We don’t need to race. We can just swim.” I can tell he feels so bad about my lack of swim skills that he’s now completely given up on the idea of racing me.

  “Why wouldn’t we race? I went to all the trouble to get here. You’re racing me. Now get in position.”

  “All right, but just out and back one time, okay? Ready. Set. Go.” He calls it off then waits a few seconds to give me a head start. I take off, going faster than I’ve ever swam, letting my true swim skills come out. I used to race people in gym class and win, but they weren’t on the swim team. Still, I can hold my own in the water. I reach the end of the pool before Garret, then turn to swim back. I catch a glimpse of his stunned face as he sees me pass him. I feel him start to catch up, but I still beat him.

  “Nice play,” he says, catching his breath.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He swims up closer to me. “So now that I know you can really swim, how about we try this again? Only this time I don’t give you a head start and we repeat that loop three more times. A runner like you has good endurance, right? So a few extra laps should be no problem.”

  “Nope. No problem at all.” I get in position.

  He counts off and we go again. Garret doesn’t hold back this time. I give it my all trying to keep up, but in the end I’m a lap behind and he wins.

  “That was good, Jade. Really good.” Garret stands up in the pool, clearing the water from his face.

  “I was way behind. That wasn’t good.”

  “I’ve been swimming my whole life. I’ve been trained by Olympic coaches. So for you to be that close behind is really good. You did way better with swimming than I did with running.”

  “You want to go again?”

  He laughs. “Damn you’re competitive. You’d stay here all night trying to beat me, wouldn’t you?”

  “Probably.” I hang my fingers on the edge of the pool, bobbing up and down. “Okay, yeah, I would. So you want to go again or what?”

  Garret’s arm reaches around my waist and my heartbeat returns to the rapid pace it was at when I was swimming.

  “I like that about you, Jade. That whole competitive edge thing.” He moves closer.

  I release my fingers from the side of the pool, forcing him to tighten his grip on me. He wraps his other arm around my lower back and presses me into him. My chest rises and falls between us as my breathing gets faster. I notice that Garret’s completely calm, his breathing steady.

  “What else do you like about me?” It comes out in a flirtatious tone that surprises even me.

  His eyes lock on mine and my heart pounds even faster. “I like that you give me shit. Because nobody gives me shit. Ever.” He pauses. “I like that you ignore me, making me work my ass off to chase you down. I like that you don’t care what people think, including me.” He moves his face to the side of mine and his lips brush my ear, his warm breath sending a chill through me. He speaks so low it’s almost a whisper. “I like that you’re incredibly hot and don’t know it. And that you’re completely turning me on in a way I didn’t think was possible.”

  “Anything else?” I ask, now completely breathless.

  He comes back to face me. “I like that I have no idea what you’re gonna do after I do this.”

  He leans in and gently kisses me, then waits for permission to continue. I slowly kiss him back, feeling the wet slick of water that still graces his soft, full lips. I secure my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He smiles at my response, then tightens his arm around my lower back, pressing us even closer together. His other arm slides up between my shoulder blades under my hair, his hand grasping the back of my neck guiding me to his mouth again. I part my lips and feel his breath as his tongue mingles with mine.

  His kiss goes deeper and I get lost in the feel of it. And of him. And of the way we feel together, his chest pressed up against mine, our lower bodies fused together with only the thin fabric of our suits between us. It wakes up parts of me I didn’t know could feel this way. Sensations are firing off inside every cell. I tighten my grip on him, wanting to be even closer.

  The cool air begins to dry the water droplets on my chest, making me shiver. He notices and lowers me deeper into the water, his eyes not leaving mine. Then he dips his face in the pool and runs his lips lightly along my neck, leaving a trail of cool liquid behind. He dips in the water again and wets my lips with his, then licks the water away and slips his tongue past. I love how he tastes. How he feels. All of it.

  My body is begging for him to keep going. To do more. I’ve never wanted that before. With other guys I’m anxious, afraid of what they’ll do next. I don’t trust them. My muscles tense up at their touch as I prepare to fight them away if things go too far. But I feel safe with Garret, completely at ease as his strong arms hold me up and the cool water streams around us.

  Men are liars, Jade. They tell you what you want to hear. They get what they want and then they leave.

  My mother’s voice enters my head like a lightning bolt, jarring me out of my blissful state. I try to ignore it, pleading for it to go away. Let me have this, I say back to the voice. Let me have something I can feel. Something that’s all mine. Something that’s not ruined by you. I’m not you, Mom. I’ll never be you.

  I notice my legs have loosened around Garret’s waist and I’m falling deeper into the water. His hands move under my thighs and he hoists me up. Warmth floods my core and I arch back as he kisses my chest. I tighten my legs around him and feel his hand slide up behind my neck again, bringing me back to his lips. His other hand slips under my butt, holding me up but also lingering as if questioning whether it has permission to ventu
re under the fabric of my suit.

  My mother’s voice shouts within my head again. You’ll end up like me, Jade. It only takes one man. One time. And your whole life is over. I can almost smell the liquor as the words echo in my mind. I’m not you, I shout back to the voice. No matter what happens, I’ll never be you!

  Shit! Why is she doing this to me? Why now? Everything in this moment feels so right and so perfect. I don’t want it to stop. Why can’t I have this? Why does she take all the good things away from me?

  Anger shoots through me like a canon. It erupts from within and I lose all control of it. I shove Garret away and kick at him with my legs.

  He lets go, a look of complete shock and horror at my bizarre behavior. “Jade? What is it? What did I do?”

  I feel guilty when he says it. He thinks he did something wrong. But he didn’t do anything wrong. In fact what he did was exactly what I wanted him to do, even though I had no idea that’s what I wanted until just a few minutes ago. I had no idea I could feel that connected with someone. That safe with someone.

  But she ruined it. She made me feel like it was wrong. Like it will only lead to the path she ended up on. Drunk and alone and dead before the age of 40.

  I swim to the edge of the pool. “I have to go.” My voice is shaky and I shiver from the cold air. I push up hard with my arms, balancing my stomach on the lip of the pool, then swing one leg up and use it to help get the rest of me out of the water. I’m sure I look like a complete idiot trying to climb out of the pool that way but I’m too far away from the nearest ladder.

  “Wait! I don’t understand.” Garret meets me at the edge of the pool. He lifts himself out with practically no effort at all. “Jade, wait!” He catches my hand as I try to walk away. “I’m sorry. I thought you were telling me it was okay. I guess I misread the whole thing.”

  I turn my back to him, my hand stuck in his tight grip. Tears are running down my face but there’s no way in hell I’m letting him see them. I’m so mad at myself I could scream. But I don’t. Instead I stand there, just trying to breathe.

  “Jade, you should’ve said something. I would’ve stopped. I won’t do it again, okay?”