Still Love You Read online

  "She's not going to start something with some guy, knowing she's leaving in September."

  "Why wouldn't she? She's obviously not looking for a longterm relationship or she'd still be with you. She just needs a guy to take care of her needs."

  "Okay, seriously? Not helping. And for the record, I'd be more than happy to take care of her needs. And she knows that."

  "Yeah, but with you there's all this emotion involved. Too much history. If she just wants a summer fling, she'll find someone else."

  "She's not going to do that."

  "Did you ask her if she wants to get back together with you?"

  I keep quiet, choosing not to answer him.

  "You did, didn't you? You asked her and she said no."

  "She just needs more time."

  He sighs. "Silas, I know you want Willow back, but if she wanted that, she would've told you that last night."

  "I knew she'd say no. I only asked her to see how she'd react. And she was freaking crying when she told me we can't get back together. That says a lot, Trent."

  "Maybe. Or maybe it says she hasn't changed her mind from two years ago. She may still love you, but if she can't see a future with you, she's not going to get back together with you. And if she does, it won't last. She won't stay with you."

  "That's your opinion. Not mine."

  "Silas, please tell me you are not going to waste your whole summer going after her."

  "It's not a waste. I told you, Willow still has feelings for me. She's just not ready to admit it."

  "Yeah, great. So she'll date you for a couple months, then break up with you before she goes back to college."

  "You're really starting to piss me off. I'm hanging up now."

  "I'm just being honest with you. I'm trying to help."

  "Well, stop trying. I don't need help. I can figure this out on my own."

  "Fine. Whatever." I hear him pop open a can. "Shit. Damn soda just sprayed all over my shirt."

  "So what's up with you and this new girl? Must be serious if she spent the night."

  "That was more for convenience. I was too tired to drive her home."

  Trent doesn't date girls for very long. Two weeks is about all he can handle and then he's ready to move on to someone else.

  "You should try a relationship sometime," I tell him. "It'd be good for you."

  "I'm not a relationship type of guy. Maybe that'll change when I'm older, but for now I'm playing the field. Enjoying my options. Moving on when things get boring. And there are plenty of girls out there who want the same thing."

  I get the feeling he's implying Willow is one of those girls. And maybe she is. She said she hasn't had a boyfriend in two years but that she still went on dates. So does that mean she'd go out with someone like Trent? Someone just to have sex with? Shit, I hope not.

  "I've gotta go," I say, grabbing my keys and heading downstairs. "I told Carl I'd be over there by now."

  "When you see Willow, tell her I said hello." He says it like he's interested in her.

  "Don't even think of asking her out. I'll freaking strangle you."

  "Relax. I know she's yours." And then he mumbles, "Even though she's not."

  I go out to my truck. "Why are we friends again?"

  He laughs. "Because you love me. And I'm the only one who tells you the truth."

  "Bye, Trent." I hang up and pull out of the driveway and head to the farm. It's a few miles outside of town. I was going to get there at seven this morning but Carl told me to wait until after lunch. It's Sunday, and he doesn't want me working weekends, but I insisted so he told me I could work a half day.

  In order to get everything done, we should both be working sixteen hour days, seven days a week. The farm isn't huge, but it's still a lot of work and Carl had to let some of his workers go because he couldn't afford to pay them.

  Willow's parents have had financial problems for the past year. I don't know all the details or how it all started. I just know that they haven't been able to keep up with their bills and now they're in serious debt and may lose the farm.

  Carl told me he's depleted his savings account and can't get any more loans from the bank. The only money he has left, which he refuses to touch, is Willow's college fund. That's why we can't tell her what's going on. If she knew, she'd insist on taking time off from college or switching to a cheaper school, and her parents don't want her doing that. I don't want her to either. She's always wanted to go to Camsburg and now that she's there, I'd hate to see it taken away from her or have her not be able to go to college at all.

  "Hi, Carl." I walk into the trailer, which he uses as an office. It's not much. There's a desk and a few chairs and a small table where he eats his lunch.

  "Hello, Silas." He gives me a wide grin. From his cheerful demeanor, you'd never know he's on the verge of losing his farm and maybe his house. That's just how he is. Candace is the same way. They're eternal optimists, choosing to believe things will somehow work out. And if they don't, at least they have their family and their health. That's all that matters to them.

  "Gorgeous day, today." Carl stands at the window, looking out at the fields. "Full sun and not a cloud in the sky."

  I stand next to him, taking in the view; rows of green-topped vegetables neatly lined up, the sun shining down on them. Being here at sunset is even better. The colors light up the sky and there's nobody around. It's peaceful. Quiet. Simple.

  That's what I like. The simple things, like a beautiful sunset. Or the way a carrot tastes fresh out of the ground. Or the way it feels to connect with someone through a kiss. Like last night, with Willow.

  Last night didn't go how I'd planned. Actually, there was no plan. I thought we were just going to the movie. But then the whole incident with Kristy sent the evening down a different course. Willow was jealous, extremely jealous, and I had to know why.

  I needed to know if Willow still had feelings for me. I hadn't planned to spill my heart out like that, telling her I love her and that I wanted to try again, but I never think straight when I'm with her. My emotions take over and I say things I didn't mean to say.

  Willow told me to move on. That we weren't getting back together. But I knew she was lying. That's not what she wants. Her words said one thing, but her body said another. The way she responded when I kissed her? It's like she never wanted it to end. She kept pulling me closer, and when I made even the slightest attempt to back away, she held on, like she wanted to keep me there.

  Kissing her was just like I remembered. We have more than just chemistry. When we kiss, we express how we feel about each other. And last night, the moment my lips touched hers, it was as if the past two years never happened. Like nothing had changed. I could feel how much she still cared about me, wanted me, wanted what we used to have.

  I wanted to keep the kiss going but I needed to end it because if I push her too far, she'll revert back to the Willow I left when I took off for Europe. When we said goodbye before I went to the airport, she was closed-off, distant, almost like a stranger. I saw a glimpse of that Willow again when I arrived at her dorm yesterday. But then I lifted her up and put her in my truck, and the playful, sweet Willow I know and love started peeking through.

  As the day wore on, more of it peeked through. And last night, when we shared that kiss, I could feel the old Willow desperate to break loose. Desperate to tell me how she really feels and what she really wants. But she wouldn't let herself say those words. Instead she told me to let her go. To find someone else.

  It was her tears that convinced me she was lying. She doesn't want me to be with someone else. She wants us to be together. To have what we used to have. And knowing that gave me hope. In fact, hearing her shaky voice when she told me to move on, and feeling her wet cheeks, made my heart spring to life. For the first time in two years, I felt like Willow and I have another chance at having a future together.

  "Where do you want me to start?" I ask Carl. "The lettuce rows?"

  He turn
s to me, releasing a long exhale. "Silas, why are you doing this? Is it to prove something to my daughter? If so, I need to be honest and tell you that it's unlikely she'll want to continue what you two had together. She's got her mind set on a certain future and she's determined to make it happen."

  "This isn't about Willow. This is about helping people I care about and doing something I believe in." I gaze out at the fields. "This farm may not generate a lot of money but you're doing something important. Working the land without polluting it. Growing food that isn't coated in chemicals. Providing jobs for guys that have very little education. I don't want to see all that end and have this land sold to some rich developer who'll end up turning it into another strip mall."

  "This far out of town, it'll probably be a housing development."

  "Either way, that's not what it's meant to be. This is your land. And you love doing this, so this is what you should do." I pause. "As for Willow and me, I'm not sure what will happen with us but I'm not ready to give up on her. I'd never stop her from going after her dreams. I just want to make sure that dream is really what she wants."

  He pats my back. "You're a good kid, Silas."

  I look over and see his grin is back. "Thanks."

  "If I were able to pick who my daughter would end up with someday, you'd be my first choice."

  I smile. "I would hope so after that quiz you gave me. You had me sweating bullets taking that thing."

  "At least you got the important questions right." He motions to the water cooler in the corner. "Fill up some bottles, then let's head out to the fields."

  Carl and I spend the rest of the day weeding and thinning out the new seedlings. The sun is hot, and by six, I'm drenched in sweat. I took my shirt off and could ring it out it's so wet.

  We're done for the day so I go to the hose and lean over and run the cold water over my head and down the back of my neck. I instantly feel better. Now I just need food and a hot shower and I'll sleep like a baby.

  "You want to join us for dinner tonight?" Carl yells from a few feet away. He's winding up one of the hoses.

  "No, thanks. I think I'll just grab something on the way home."

  He walks over to me. "Or you could go home, clean up, order a pizza and see if a certain girl would like to join you."

  I smile. "Are you trying to play matchmaker, Carl? After that speech you gave me about me not having a chance with your daughter?"

  "I never said you didn't have a chance. I was just telling you what you're up against. But even if you and Willow end up going your separate ways, it's not happening right now." He grins. "What do I always say?"

  "To live in the moment." He said that to Willow and me all the time when we were kids and in a hurry to grow up. We'd roll our eyes, not really sure what he meant, assuming it was just something dads say.

  "Live in the moment, Silas. Just enjoy the time you have with each other. Don't waste it." He glances behind me. "Looks like my ride is here." He points to the Prius driving up.

  Willow's parents only have one car so if Candace needs it, she has to drop Carl off and pick him up. There's an old truck on the farm he can use if he needs to, but it doesn't run well so you wouldn't want to drive it too far.

  "Hey, Dad." It's not Candace. It's Willow.

  Carl walks over to her. "Hi, honey."

  Willow's standing by the car, wearing khaki shorts, a white tank top, and flip-flops, her hair in a ponytail. She's got that cute, girl next door look that always turns me on. I feel movement in my jeans and try to mentally stop it, but it's not working.

  If I'd known she was coming here, I would've tried to clean myself up a little. Instead, she sees me when I'm sweaty and drenched with the water I just hosed myself down with.

  But she must not be too disgusted. She hasn't looked away.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Willow

  Holy freaking mother of—

  My steamy hot, totally inappropriate thoughts of Silas are interrupted by my dad.

  "Honey, I forgot something in the trailer. I'll be right back."

  He leaves and I'm left with that perfect specimen of a man. Shirtless, wearing worn jeans that hang low on his hips. He's wet. Drenched, like he just ran a hose over himself. His hair looks darker when it's wet. It's tousled, pieces of his natural waves curling up in places. His skin, a rich golden brown from the sun, looks even better dripping with water. Carved muscles line his torso, and despite my best efforts, my eyes keep drifting to his six-pack abs.

  "Hey, Willow," he says, walking to his truck. "I was just heading home."

  I'm too speechless to say hello back, my eyes now focused on his back, which is pure muscle. How the hell did he get his body like that? What kind of volunteer work was he doing the past two years?

  "Silas," my dad says. "Eight tomorrow?"

  "Six," he calls back.

  "Silas, you don't have to—"

  "I like to start early." He gets in his truck.

  My dad turns to me. "He's worked hard today. Why don't you go offer to buy him dinner? Order a pizza. It's on me. Your mom's making tofu tonight. I'm sure you'd rather have pizza."

  I bite my lip, watching Silas as he dries his head off with a towel he must've had in the truck. I would like to have dinner with him, but I don't want to lead him on.

  My dad gets in the Prius as Silas starts backing up.

  "Silas, wait!" I run over to him.

  "Yeah?" He gives me that Silas smile that melts my heart and turns me on at the same time. That smile is dangerous. It makes me want to do things my head is telling me not to.

  "Do you want to have dinner with me tonight? We could order a pizza."

  He glances at my dad. Why is he looking at my dad? He laughs a little, then looks at me. "Sure. Just let me clean up, then I'll give you a call."

  He drives off and I notice how fast my heart is going. Must've been that ridiculous smile of his. Or maybe the beads of water glistening off his bare chest.

  "You getting in?" my dad asks. He has the car pulled up next to me. I hadn't even noticed it was there.

  "Yeah. Sorry." I get in the passenger's seat. "Silas wants to have pizza so I guess it's just you and Mom for the tofu." I tried to sound casual but I must've failed because my dad's smiling.

  "It's nice to have Silas back, isn't it?" My dad is so obvious. Trying to get information out of me about my feelings for Silas. It's not going to happen.

  "I guess."

  "He's a nice young man." My dad rolls his window down, letting the breeze blow in. "He's matured a lot after all that time away from home."

  "He had five girlfriends while he was gone," I say, letting my dad know Silas isn't as perfect as he seems.

  "What's wrong with that?"

  "Dad! Five girls? In two years?"

  He shrugs. "When I was his age, I had more than that."

  "You did?" I can't imagine my dad getting that many girls.

  "It wasn't anything serious. I'd meet a girl, we'd date for a while, then move on. At that age I was still figuring out who I was and what I wanted out of life. When I was a freshman in college, I thought I'd be a—" He smiles. "Why don't you take a guess? What do you think I wanted to do for a career?"

  "I don't know. Something having to do with agriculture or the environment?"

  He shakes his head. "No. I thought I'd be a lawyer."

  "A lawyer? You hate lawyers."

  "I do now, but back then I wanted to be one."

  "Why?"

  "I was 18 and had to pick a career so that's what I picked. I used to watch a lot of those legal shows on TV."

  "So what happened? Why didn't you become a lawyer?"

  "Because it wasn't for me. I worked at a law firm freshman year and watched the other lawyers, saw what they did all day, and realized that wasn't what I wanted to do. Sitting at a desk? Working a hundred hours a week? Writing and rewriting contracts? Arguing with people? That wasn't me at all. I don't know what I was thinking."

  "Is the
re a reason you're telling me this?"

  "I just want you to consider all your options."

  "I have, and I know this is what I want to do. I know you think all corporations are evil and out to destroy the world, but I don't agree."

  "I've only said that about a few companies, not all of them. I'm not trying to talk you out of going into business. I just want you to be happy. I don't want you spending every waking moment at work."

  "You spend all your time at the farm."

  "Yes, but it's my passion. I love being there. And I always had your mom and you there with me. My job didn't take me away from my family. Honey, what I'm trying to say is to explore your options. Talk to people who are in those executive positions you want to be in someday. Interview a CEO. Ask him or her what a typical day is like. I have no doubt you could run a company someday and be very successful. But I also want you to be happy."

  "I got it, Dad."

  He pats my knee. "Lecture over." He turns the radio up and listens to one of his talk radio programs until we get home. As he parks in the driveway, he says, "You should go in and tell your mom you won't be joining us for dinner."

  When I get inside, she's already making the tofu. She has all these different tofu recipes and they're all disgusting.

  "I'm eating with Silas tonight," I say, then rush to my room so she won't ask me any questions. I got enough questions from my dad, as well as a lecture.

  Why was he saying all that stuff to me? He never gives me advice on school or my career. He and my mom say you should let a child find their own path in life and not interfere. So does my dad think I'm on the wrong path? Did he change his mind about interfering?

  Sometimes I think I am on the wrong path. I know I want to work in business, but I'm not a hundred percent sure I want to work for a huge corporation and eventually run it. I've never told anyone this, but I'd really like to start my own company. I'm just too afraid to do it. Too afraid I'd fail. So I'm taking the safe route; getting an entry level job at a large corporation and working my way to the top. It sounds boring when I think about it. It doesn't excite me at all, but I'm sure it will once I actually have a job.