Still Love You Read online

  "No. Willow had everything packed and ready to go."

  "She's always so organized." He stands next to Candace, taking one of the cookies from the tray she's holding. "Are you kids going out tonight?"

  He acts like we're dating again. Like Candace, Carl would love to see his daughter end up with me. He didn't used to be like that. He used to try to keep us from dating, but back then he didn't want any boy dating his daughter. His liberal values turned conservative when it came to Willow. Candace was the opposite. She thought Willow should be allowed to explore her sexuality, which she did. With me. Many, many times.

  But before I could even date her, her dad made me take a quiz. An actual quiz he'd written and printed out. I had to sit at the kitchen table and take it while he watched, as if I could somehow cheat on it. The quiz had all these questions about Willow's likes and dislikes, including her favorite colors, foods, movies, and bands. Then I had to make a top ten list of things I like about her. That was followed by an essay about why I wanted to date her. It took over an hour to finish the quiz and I ended up getting an A minus on it. Carl said I had her favorite foods wrong but I actually had them right. Willow pretends to like their vegan health food but she's a junk food girl all the way. And she loves meat, as evidenced by how fast she ate that burger today.

  "We're going to the park for the outdoor movie," I say to Carl.

  "I'll go change." Willow takes off for her room.

  Carl sits across from me and lowers his voice. "You didn't tell her, right?"

  "No. But it's going to be impossible to keep this from her."

  "I need you to do this for me, Silas. I don't want her knowing until I've exhausted all my options."

  "Can you get another bank loan?"

  He shakes his head. "The bank won't loan us another dime. We've already given them the house as collateral. We have nothing else to offer them."

  "Use my truck."

  "We're not doing that. You're already doing more for us than you should."

  "You guys are like family. I'll do whatever I can. I'll get to work earlier and stay later. I was thinking of planting some flowers in the space where the broccoli didn't grow. People pay more for flowers than broccoli."

  "We should try that," Candace says, sitting next to Carl.

  He nods. "It's a good idea, but it's not going to be enough."

  "Dan will give you a loan," I say. "I know he will. I just haven't been able to reach him."

  Dan is the guy who gave me the truck. He's worth millions. I haven't been able to call him because he's doing medical aid in a remote part of India where there's no phone service.

  "That man doesn't even know us," Carl says. "He's not going to give us a loan. He'd get almost no return on his investment."

  "That's not true. We can make this work. I know we—"

  "Shh." Carl's eyes dart to the hall.

  "Ready?" I hear Willow behind me.

  I turn and see she's changed into white shorts and a navy blue fitted t-shirt that shows off her round perky breasts. I need to keep my eyes off those tonight or I'll end up with the problem I had earlier.

  "Yeah, I'm ready." I get up from the table.

  "Do you two want some snacks to take with?" Candace asks. Her snacks are either wheat-free crackers that taste like cardboard or these sesame chips she buys that look like bird food. By now, Candace has to know that Willow doesn't like these foods and yet she keeps offering them to her. Maybe she's hoping her daughter will like them eventually.

  "No, thanks," Willow says. "We won't be out long."

  "There's no rush to get home." She gives her a quick hug. "Have fun tonight."

  Willow and I go out to the truck and this time she's able to hoist herself into it. I caught a glimpse of her ass as she did it. Her shorts have always been a favorite of mine. She likes the short ones. For her it's a fashion thing, but for me it's the view they provide when she bends over.

  I get in the driver's side. "What do you think? Chips or candy?"

  "Let's splurge and have both." She pulls her seatbelt on. "I'm actually excited about this. I haven't been to an outdoor movie since...well, since you and I went. Cami kept inviting me to go senior year but I just never got around to it."

  Cami was one of her friends from high school. I was gone during Willow's senior year but I heard through the grapevine a little about what she was up to that year. Trent was my main source of information. He's my age so he was in college when Willow was a senior but he had some friends in her class. I used to always ask him if she was dating anyone. He wouldn't give me names, but he did say she dated one of the football players and a guy from the basketball team. As a super hot cheerleader, Willow could've had her pick of any of the athletes in school. I'm sure she went out with more than two.

  "I need to stop and grab some blankets," I say, pulling up to my house. It's just down the street from Willow's. I park and go around to her side to see if she needs help getting out. She hops out and stumbles, but then straightens up and holds her arms out like a gymnast does at the end of a routine.

  "Nice landing," I say, laughing at her.

  "Thank you." She smiles.

  I hold the door open for her and hear my mom yell, "Willow! You're back!"

  "Diane! I've missed you."

  The two of them hug, then my mom whisks Willow off to the living room. My mom loves Willow like a daughter. Our families are good friends, especially our moms.

  While Willow and my mom are off talking, I go to the kitchen to find some snacks. I can't afford to buy any. I'm really short on cash and working for free all summer is going to make my financial situation even worse. But I'm not doing this to make money. I'm doing it to help Carl and Candace...and Willow.

  I rummage through the bin of snacks I keep in the pantry. My mom is a health freak like Willow's mom, but Martin and I like our junk food so we keep stashes of it just for us.

  "Going out tonight?" Martin opens the fridge behind me.

  "Willow and I are going to the outdoor movie. I'm bringing some snacks."

  He closes the fridge. "Toss me a candy bar. Diane made me eat tempeh tonight and I'm starving."

  I toss him a Snickers. "I had steamed tofu. It was pretty bad."

  Martin laughs. "Well, hopefully we'll live longer eating this way. Have fun tonight."

  "See ya later."

  Martin is my stepdad. Not officially, because he's not actually married to my mom. But he's been with her for twelve years so he's like a dad. I've never met my real dad. My mom had sex with him at a concert and never saw him again.

  Martin is an English professor at UC-Berkeley. He's a quiet, laid-back guy who spends most of his time reading. He's ten years older than my mom and never been married. He's asked my mom to marry him at least three times but she keeps turning him down. She loves him, but sees no need to get married. She said a piece of paper wouldn't change anything so why bother? I see her point, but as for me? I want to get married someday, which is why I proposed to Willow two years ago. And even though she broke off our engagement, when I think about getting married, I can still only picture myself with Willow.

  "I let her borrow my sweater," my mom says as she walks in the kitchen, her arm around Willow. "I didn't want her to get cold. It's supposed to cool off tonight."

  Willow smiles at me as she holds one of my mom's hand knit creations. I know she wants to laugh, but she won't because she doesn't want to hurt my mom's feelings.

  "Your mom just finished it," Willow says, holding it up so I can see.

  It's hideous. My mom is terrible at knitting. The sleeves of the sweater don't match up and the bottom hem isn't straight. The yarn she used is a mix of neon pink, army green, and dirt brown. It might be the worst sweater she's ever made.

  "Isn't it cute?" my mom asks, standing back to admire it. "I know the sleeves aren't perfect but I think it gives it character and a modern flare. It's very youthful. You can have it, Willow, if you'd like."

  "Oh, no. I d
on't want to take your sweater. I'll just wear it tonight."

  She'll never wear that sweater. Even if she was freezing, she wouldn't wear it. She'd let me warm her up before she'd ever wear that hideous sweater.

  "Thanks, Mom." I kiss her cheek. "Willow and I need to get going. The movie's starting soon."

  "Have fun!" She smiles at us both. "It's so good having you two home." My mom wants us to get back together, just like Willow's parents do. As we're leaving, I hear her talking to Martin. "Marty, are you eating a candy bar?"

  Willow laughs as she goes outside. "She should just let him eat what he wants."

  "She would, but he has high cholesterol and high blood pressure so she's trying to keep him alive by feeding him that healthy stuff."

  "At least he still gets to have junk food once in a while."

  "Speaking of junk food." I hold up the reusable grocery sack, which is the only kind we have. My mom refuses to use plastic sacks. "I loaded it up with your favorites. Chips, candy bars, licorice. We didn't have any soda but they sell it at the park."

  "Thanks!" She smiles, then climbs into the truck, still clutching that horrible sweater.

  "You're not actually going to wear that, are you?" I point to the sweater which is now sitting between us as we drive to the park.

  She shrugs. "It depends on how cold it gets. It'll be dark out soon so no one will see."

  "Maybe you could spill something on it so she has to throw it out. I don't even want my mom wearing that."

  Willow laughs. "I know. It's pretty bad. Your mom should stick to making jewelry." She holds her arm out toward me. "See? I still have it."

  She's wearing the bracelet I gave her as a goodbye gift before I left for Europe.

  "My mom didn't make that. I did."

  "I know." She lowers her arm back by her side. "But your mom taught you how."

  My mom makes jewelry and sells it online and at craft fairs and farmers' markets. She makes decent money doing it, as much, if not more, than she'd make at a regular job. She didn't go to college so I don't know what she'd be doing if she didn't have her business. Making jewelry is her passion. I can't imagine her not doing that for a living.

  "I love this bracelet," Willow says softly, almost to herself. I glance over and see her looking at it. "I wear it almost every day."

  "Really?" I'm seriously shocked by that. I knew she liked it but I assumed she stashed it in a drawer after I left and never wore it. Wearing it would remind her of me and I didn't think she'd want that reminder, especially every day.

  "I like the charm you made and the beads you picked out."

  The bracelet is a black leather cord that has beads that surround a flat metal charm. The beads are a swirled mix of black, white, and gray. I picked them because I thought those colors would go with most anything she'd wear. The charm is an oval shaped piece of thin metal that I stamped with the infinity symbol. The symbol was meant to let Willow know that I'll always love her, even though we were broken up when I gave her that bracelet. I wanted her to know that I'd love her for all of eternity. No matter what, she'd always have a place in my heart, even if I never saw her again.

  "I'm glad you like it," I say, glancing at her. "Maybe I'll make you another one."

  "You don't have to." Her eyes are still on the charm, her finger tracing over the design.

  "I want to. Besides, I need to practice. I haven't made one of those since I made that one."

  "Are you making jewelry this summer?"

  The answer is no because I won't have time with all the effort I need to put into helping Willow's parents, but she can't know that so I say, "Yeah. I told my mom I'd make a few pieces. You know how the ladies like a Silas original." I smile at her.

  I say it kiddingly but it's actually true. When I used to make jewelry, my stuff always sold out before my mom's did. My mom's designs look like something an older woman would wear. My designs are more youthful, with leather cords, dark beads, and my handmade metal charms. The college kids would buy them up within an hour, even the guys. I made stuff for guys too.

  "You should make more than a few pieces. You're really talented, Silas. You should be making jewelry this summer instead of working on my parents' farm. You'd make way more money."

  If she only knew how much more. I'd make more doing anything other than working on the farm, given that I'm doing it for free.

  "The jewelry was just a hobby. It's not a job."

  "But it could be. Silas, your designs are awesome. That's why they sold out so fast. And people loved those charms you made. You could just sell the charms separately and people would buy them. They're like a work of art."

  Willow is always the first to offer a compliment when it's deserved, which is something I've always liked about her. Most people can easily criticize but can't give a compliment to save their life. But Willow appreciates talent and hard work and she'll let you know when you do a good job. She'll even compliment people she doesn't like. It's not about the person, but about a job well done. That's why she's a good leader and will someday make a great CEO.

  "Thanks," I tell her. "But I think I'll stick to farming, at least for the summer."

  "I'm serious, Silas. Why are you wasting your time working on a farm when you could be designing jewelry? You'd make so much more money."

  "Not everything's about money, Willow."

  Sometimes I think that's the only reason she's so obsessed with becoming a CEO one day. Because of the money. She could be the CEO of a non-profit or a small company, but instead she wants to run a large corporation. She wants to make a lot of money, live in an expensive apartment, buy an expensive car. I don't understand it. That's not how she was raised and she's never been materialistic. So maybe it's not about the money. Maybe it's something else.

  "I know you don't care about the money," she says, "but I also know that you like making jewelry. You like designing new pieces."

  "Willow, I've already committed to working on the farm. And it's what I want to do."

  "Are you sure?"

  "I'm positive." I reach over and wrap my hand over her wrist, touching the bracelet. "But I'm still going to make you another one of these. You shouldn't have to wear the same one every day."

  She just nods, her eyes on my hand, which has now slipped down around hers. I know she said not to, but if she's not pulling away then I'm going to hold her hand.

  She's my friend, and I love her, and if I can't have her, then I'm at least going to hold her hand.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Willow

  Silas and I are driving to the park when my phone rings. It's Lilly, my friend from college who lived in the room next to mine. Lilly is a Kensington, as in the daughter of Pearce Kensington, one of the richest men in America. But if you met her you'd never know she was wealthy, unless you saw her car, which is a top-of-the-line BMW.

  "Hey, Lilly," I answer. "How's your party?"

  Lilly's family had a welcome home party for her at their house in Santa Barbara.

  "It was great! It's wrapping up now. Jade and Garret are leaving soon. They have to get the kids to bed. So what are you doing tonight?"

  "Going to a movie at the park."

  "With who?" She laughs. "The hot guy who showed up at your door?"

  Lilly knows all about Silas. I talked about him a lot last year. For some reason, I kept bringing him up in conversation.

  "Yeah," I say. "How'd you guess?"

  "Are you guys back together?" she asks in an excited tone. She'd never met him before today and yet she thinks we belong together. Probably because I couldn't stop talking about him.

  "No." I don't elaborate. I can't tell her about Silas when he's in the car, although there's really nothing to say. We're just two friends going to a movie.

  "He's really hot. I thought he was hot in that photo you showed me, but he looks even hotter now."

  My eyes wander over to the driver's seat. Silas has his window down, his muscular forearm resting there, his other a
rm casually draped over the steering wheel. The breeze is blowing his dark wavy hair and he glances over at me and smiles that perfect Silas smile.

  "Willow?"

  "Yeah, I'm here." I was so distracted by Silas I forgot to respond to her comment. I switch topics. "So have you talked to Reed?"

  "Yeah. He made it home. He's out with his dad right now, having a late dinner. Hey, Garret's leaving. I have to say goodbye to my nieces and nephews. We'll talk later. Have fun on your date!"

  "It's not a—" I stop when I realize she hung up.

  "Who was that?" Silas asks.

  "My friend, Lilly. You met her when you picked me up."

  "Oh, yeah. She seemed nice."

  "She is. We're good friends."

  "Does she have a boyfriend?"

  "Yes!" I yell it, then realize how crazy that must've sounded. But having Silas show interest in my friend made me crazy. It shouldn't, but it did.

  "Why are you yelling?" he asks.

  "I didn't mean to. Sorry. So um, why did you ask if she has a boyfriend?"

  "I heard you ask her about someone named Reed. I just wondered if that's her boyfriend."

  That's why he asked? And here I thought he wanted to date her. What is wrong with me?

  "Yes," I say. "Reed was her boyfriend all last year."

  "Did you have a boyfriend last year?" he asks in a casual tone, as if the answer doesn't matter, even though I know it does. He doesn't want to think about me dating someone else. And yet he hides it with that casual tone. I don't know how he does it. If I asked him who he'd dated the past year, I'd sound nervous, giving away the fact that I was desperate for the answer to be no one.

  "I dated, but I didn't have a boyfriend," I say.

  "And you don't now?"

  "No. How about you?" At least I didn't sound nervous when I asked. Maybe I'm getting better at hiding it.

  "Yeah."

  "Yeah, what?" That sounded nervous, because I am now that I heard his answer. My heart's racing and I'm feeling kind of sick.

  "I had a girlfriend."

  "What was her name?"

  "The last one was Lisa."

  "Last one? How many did you have?"