More to Us Page 26

  "She really said it was the best night of her life?" He half-smiles.

  "Those were her words."

  "I guess it's good to know it wasn't just me."

  "So you think you can move on now?"

  "I've already moved on. I'm dating Allison."

  Allison is the hot cheerleader he's been going out with the past couple weeks. She's his get-back-on-the-horse girl, meaning she's the first girl he's had sex with since his night with Amber. He needed to put an end to that dry spell, which he's done with Allison. That's pretty much all they do. I don't know if they've even gone on an actual date.

  "That's not a real relationship," I tell him. "It's just sex."

  "Nothing wrong with that."

  "You're basically doing what Amber's doing. Going out with someone you know you'll never have an emotional attachment to because you're still emotionally attached to Amber."

  "What are you, a psychologist now?"

  "I'm just saying, I don't think you're over her. And I don't think she's over you."

  "Yeah? So? She doesn't want me, so there isn't anything I can do."

  "Do you still want her? Even after knowing what she did?"

  "I don't know." He scrubs his hand through his hair. "I'd have to think about it. But the answer doesn't matter. We're obviously never going to be together."

  We've talked enough. I can tell he needs time to think about what I've told him. And I need time to think about what happened with Kira earlier. Did I make the right decision? My head says I did, but my heart seems to disagree. It fucking hurts right now, and my body aches to be with her, not just in a sexual way, but just to be near her. To lie on the couch with her body molded into mine. To feel our hands threaded together.

  As much as I want that, I have to remember that she lied to me. She wasn't honest, and right now, I don't trust her.

  "I need to go," I say, getting up from the chair. "You gonna be okay?"

  "Yeah, but why don't you stay and have a beer?"

  "Maybe some other time. I gotta go pack boxes."

  "Shit, that's right. You're moving tomorrow. Finally got your own place and now you don't have a girlfriend. You need a rebound girl. There'll be plenty of girls to choose from tomorrow night at the bar."

  We play tomorrow, and for the first time ever, I'm not looking forward to it. I don't feel like playing. I know my mind will be on Kira the whole time.

  "I'm not ready for a new girl," I say, then I yell toward the kitchen. "Van, get your ass out here. I'm leaving."

  He walks through the kitchen door, a beer in his hand. "Am I allowed to enter?" He rolls his eyes.

  "Yeah. See you tomorrow. Make sure Dylan doesn't get too drunk."

  "Hell yeah, he's getting drunk. After hearing about Amber? He needs to switch to the hard stuff. You should be getting drunk too."

  I look at Dylan. "Call if you want to talk."

  He nods, and I leave and go out to the driveway.

  "Hey, Austin." A girl comes up to me from the sidewalk. I've met her before. She goes to school with Van and Dylan and has been to some of their parties. She's cute. Average height, short blond hair, and athletic. She's on the volleyball team.

  "Hey." I stop next to my truck.

  "You going out tonight?"

  "I think I'm just gonna stay in."

  "You could come to my place." She smiles. "We could have a quiet night, just the two of us."

  I know a lot of guys sleep with a girl to get over another girl but I'm not doing that with Kira. I'm not ready to be over her. I'm not even sure I want to be.

  "Sorry, but I can't. I'll see ya later." I get in my truck and drive off. Just talking to that girl, I felt like I was cheating on Kira, which I know is stupid but my heart is still with her. I'm not ready to move on with someone else.

  I spend the rest of the night packing up my room. I hadn't started packing before now because all my time was spent with Kira.

  Around ten, I get a text from her that says 'I'm sorry'. I don't text her back because what would I say? That it's okay? Don't worry about it? That would be a lie. It's not okay, and she should be worried about it. She ruined what we had together because she didn't trust me enough to be honest with me. That's a real problem, and she needs to think long and hard about if what she's working for is worth losing what we had.

  I was really starting to believe she was the one. Guess I was just blinded by love.

  The next day, my brothers get to the house at eleven and begin loading up their trucks with furniture and boxes. I texted them last night and told them that Kira and I broke up so they wouldn't ask why she wasn't here. She was going to help with the move and then we were all going to go out for lunch. We'll still go to lunch, but without Kira.

  Callie, Jen, and Ivy are here and they keep looking at me with these sad faces. I can tell they're dying to ask what happened but I'm sure my brothers told them not to. They've all been through break-ups and know the last thing I want to do is talk about it. That's what girls do. They talk about it, analyze it, question it. But guys don't do that, at least not right away. We work through it in our heads first, then maybe talk to another guy, but just briefly, not for hours. And it's usually done over a beer, which I could really use right now. It's only ten-fifteen but I need something to numb the pain of missing Kira.

  With everyone helping, it only takes one trip to move everything to my apartment. By one-thirty, all my furniture is in place and I've unpacked most of the boxes. I haven't put everything away but I can do that later.

  "What do you think?" Jake asks, sinking down on the couch. My dad had an old couch in the basement so I took it to use until I get a new one.

  "I like it." I smile at him. "Now that we're neighbors, do I get to come up to your place for dinner every night?"

  "Hell no." He puts his feet up on the wooden bench I'm using as a table. "You're on your own for that."

  "Jake," Ivy scolds, swatting his knee as she sits next to him. "Don't say that. Of course he can have dinner with us."

  "Okay, but not every night," he says. "You've seen how much that kid eats. And he only eats that health food shit. We don't have any of that."

  "Then we'll get some. We could stand to clean up our diet a little."

  He rolls his eyes. "I knew this was a bad idea. My kid brother moves in and now I've gotta change my diet and feed him."

  Ivy laughs.

  Nash hangs his arm off my shoulder. "You gonna miss living at home?"

  "Maybe a little. It'll be strange not having anyone around. I'm not used to living alone."

  Callie and Jen get that sad look again.

  "We'll come over and visit," Callie says. She looks at Nash. "We could bring him dinner next week."

  "Yeah, we'll plan on it," Nash says to her. "Maybe Tuesday since you don't have class."

  "Does that work?" Callie asks me.

  "Yeah, that's fine."

  They're all feeling sorry for me, trying to fill my time now that I no longer have Kira. I was with her so much, it's going to feel strange having all this free time. I had it before I met her, but now I don't know what I did with it all. I watched TV and played my guitar, but was that it? It seems like I was always busy back then, so I somehow filled the time.

  I think after a break-up like this, time seems to slow down. Last night and today seem to be taking forever, like each minute is an hour. It seems like I haven't seen Kira in weeks, yet it's only been a day, not even that.

  "Ready for lunch?" Bryce asks me. "You get to pick the place since this is kind of a celebration. We'll even go to one of your health food places."

  "Let's just go to the sports bar down the street," I say.

  My dad walks in, holding a big canvas bag. He hands it to me and smiles. "A housewarming gift."

  "What is it?"

  Jen laughs. "It's a laundry bag."

  "Oh. Thanks." I set it down.

  "You can do your laundry at home," my dad says, "but you'll need something to carry it
there."

  "You don't let the rest of us do laundry there," Jake says.

  "I do laundry there sometimes," Bryce says.

  "You do?" Jake looks at my dad. "What the hell? Why don't I get to do laundry there?"

  "You never asked," my dad says.

  "You said when we move out, we're on our own."

  "I never said that meant you couldn't use the washing machine." He smiles at Jake, who just shakes his head. Dad always gives Jake a hard time. It's their thing.

  "Let's go to lunch," my dad says, motioning us all to the door.

  After we eat, everyone goes their separate ways and I go back to my apartment. It sounds weird just to think that. My apartment. I finally have an apartment. I can finally have girls over, but I still only want one.

  For weeks, I've been looking forward to having Kira stay with me my first night here. I was going to get us some dinner, then we'd snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, and then she'd stay overnight. She'd be the first girl in my bed.

  When I lived at home, I used to try to sneak girls in my room but my dad always caught me so I was never able to do anything more than kiss a girl on my bed. That used to really piss me off. I know it was my dad's house, but shit, I'm 21 and can't have a girl over? But then I met Kira and was happy I hadn't been with other girls in my bed, because it meant Kira would be the first. But now she won't be.

  Why did she have to do this? Why couldn't she just be honest with me? If she had, we'd be together right now, like we should be. But instead, we're apart. And I miss her.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Kira

  "Okay, enough crying," Amber says, barging into my room and yanking the covers back.

  I've been in this bed since Friday night, alternating between crying and sleeping. Amber's left me alone. She's been in her own room, sick with a cold. I could hear her coughing and sneezing.

  "Just let me sleep," I mumble, yanking the covers back over me. "I'm tired."

  "You're not tired. You've been in bed for two days."

  I roll over. "What day is it?"

  "You don't even know what day it is?" She steals my covers again, pulling them back so far I can't reach them. "It's Sunday night. And you're not tired. You're depressed and it's time to get up. You need to eat. When's the last time you ate?"

  "I don't know. Friday, sometime? But I don't feel like eating. I'm not hungry."

  "You're eating. And you need a shower. You stink. Now get up." She sounds like a drill sergeant. She looks like one too, standing over my bed with her hands on her hips.

  "I thought you were sick."

  "I got some medicine. I'm starting to feel better. I'm just tired."

  I sit up, bringing my legs over to the side of the bed. "Why are you talking to me? Aren't you mad at me?"

  "Yes." She hands me my crutches. "But I'm also your friend, and friends help each other out after a break-up."

  I pull myself up on the crutches. "I texted him and told him I'm sorry. But he didn't text back. I thought at least he'd text me to ask how my leg is doing. But I guess he doesn't care."

  She sighs. "I shouldn't tell you this, but I talked to him."

  I perk up. "You did? When?"

  "Yesterday. He called me. And he called again just now."

  "And? What did he say?"

  "He just wanted to know if you're okay."

  "But he didn't want to talk to me?"

  She pauses, like she doesn't want to answer, but then quietly says, "No."

  I nod, tears starting to form. I blink a few times, trying to hold them back.

  "Kira, I'm sorry."

  "It's okay. It's not your fault. It's mine. I'm going to take a shower." I go around her to leave, but then stop and look back at her. "Amber, I'm sorry I lied to you. I only hid what I was doing because I knew you wouldn't approve. And I knew you'd tell my parents."

  "Because I care about you. I didn't want you getting hurt."

  "I know, but you need to stop worrying about me. I can handle this. I promise, I won't let this happen again."

  I know she doesn't believe me but she doesn't say anything so I leave and go in the bathroom. I take a long, hot shower, my mind consumed with Austin. Amber said he didn't want to talk to me, so I guess that means it's over. For good.

  In the morning I go to the gym, not to work out, but to see Austin. I need to tell him I'm sorry in person. But when I get to the gym, he's not there. I go there again the next day, and he's still not there.

  Before I leave, I go up to his friend who works at the front desk. "Have you seen Austin?"

  "Yeah. He works out at night now."

  "Oh. Okay, thanks."

  Did Austin know I'd be coming here to see him? Did he change his workout schedule to avoid me?

  I go in the women's locker room and cry. I can't help it. I miss him so much. What would I have to do to get him back? Stop working out? But I have to work out or I'll never compete again. Even if I cut back on my workouts, I don't think he'd agree to be with me. He left me because I wasn't honest with him. And now he doesn't trust me.

  The week continues and I don't hear anything from Austin. My mom arrives on Friday. She's spending the weekend and, as expected, she lectures me as soon as she arrives, because of course, Amber told my parents what really happened. I'd told them I tripped and fell, but Amber told them I was working out too hard. But at least she didn't tell them that Austin was training me at the gym. If she had, my parents would be mad at Austin and probably call him up and yell at him, and that's the last thing I want. None of this was his fault so I don't want him getting any of the blame.

  "I know all this, Mom," I tell her. "You don't have to keep telling me."

  "Apparently I do, because no matter how many times we've gone over this, you're still not following the doctor's orders."

  "That's not true. This is the first time I've pushed myself like this."

  We're in a coffee shop and she sits back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest. "And what about last April?"

  Last April, my dad caught me working out at a gym in the next town over. I never found out how he knew I was there. He wouldn't tell me.

  "I only did that one time," I say.

  "You weren't supposed to be doing it all." She gives me her mom look that makes me feel like I'm a kid again.

  "Can we please not talk about this?" I look down at my coffee, swirling my spoon inside the cup.

  My mom puts her hand on mine. "Honey, tell me why you did it. Tell me why you pushed yourself like that."

  "I didn't mean to get hurt," I say, keeping my eyes on my cup. "I just like working out."

  "It's more than that," she says gently. "It's because you—"

  "Stop. Okay?" I look up at her and move my hand from hers. "I told you I don't want to talk about it."

  She sighs. "Kira, you can't keep doing this."

  "Doing what?" I ask, nervously chewing my lip.

  "Trying to compete again." She softens her voice. "I know how much you want to be part of that world again. The training. The meets. But it's too late. You can't—"

  "It's not too late!" I say it louder than I meant to and notice people staring. I lower my voice. "I just...I just want to get in shape, okay? That's it."

  "Honey, we both know what you were trying to do. But look what happened. You got hurt again. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

  I look at my mom in her worn out clothes, which are faded and out of style. She can't afford anything new because she and my dad are barely making ends meet. And it's all because of me. Because of a dream I had that never came true.

  A lump forms in my throat, tears threatening to fall. I glance down and blink really fast to fight back the tears.

  "Kira, what is it?" my mom asks, reaching across the table and putting her hand on my arm. "What's wrong?"

  "It's my fault," I say just loud enough for her to hear.

  "What's your fault?"

  I take a shaky breath. "It's m
y fault you and Dad have no money. It's my fault you guys are struggling and only have one car and can't afford to—"

  "Kira, stop." She puts her hand over mine. "Look at me." I lift my eyes to hers and see that she too is close to tears. "Your father and I are doing fine. We may not be rich but we pay our bills and that's all that matters. And our financial situation is not your fault. You didn't force us to let you do gymnastics. We did it because we knew how much you loved it and we wanted you to be happy. The same with your brothers. Your father and I make sacrifices so your brothers can be in all the sports and other activities they want to do."

  "It's not the same. The cost for Luke to be in baseball or Josh to play football is nothing compared to what it costs for me to—"

  "Kira." She gently squeezes my hand, her eyes on mine. "Is this why you keep doing this? Why you keep trying to compete again? Because of money?"

  I nod, my eyes dropping to the table. "I wanted to pay you back."

  She sighs. "Honey, we never expected you to do that. Even if you'd made money as a gymnast, we would never expect you to pay us back. You're our child. You don't owe us anything."

  "Would you like more coffee?" the waitress asks as she stops by our table.

  The waitress's sudden appearance and high-pitched voice startles both my mom and me and we sit back in our chairs.

  "I think we're good," my mom says, smiling at her.

  The waitress looks at me. I'm sure my eyes are red and puffy and I know they're teary. I can feel the wetness in them.

  She frowns. "Oh, um, sorry to interrupt." She hurries off.

  I take a breath and wipe my eyes. "Can we talk about something else now?" I ask my mom.

  She smiles. "Sure. But I want you to promise me you won't keep worrying about your father and me. Can you do that?"

  I nod, but I'll still worry about them. I know they're struggling more than she'll tell me.

  "And I mean it when I say you need to stop this," she continues, her smile gone, her face serious. "If I find out you're training again, you'll be coming back home."