Keeping Her Read online

  I take a moment to think this through. What kind of deal would Leland have with my father? I know both of them want to get contracts with the military. So is that what the deal was? To somehow work together to get government contracts?

  "I was supposed to go work for Leland," I say, thinking aloud.

  "Work for Leland? Why would you work for that asshole?"

  "My father set it up. But why would Leland want me working for him if he's so disgusted with me being with Rachel?"

  "Huh." Jack glances to the side, rubbing his hand over his chin. "That doesn't make sense, now does it?"

  "No. It doesn't. Do you have any idea why he might do that?"

  "Maybe. But I don't care to share it."

  "Jack. Tell me."

  He looks back at me. "Again, it's just a theory, but if Leland wanted you working for him, maybe it's because he thinks the deal with Kensington Chemical will still happen. Which it will if Rachel is gone."

  "You're saying that's my punishment? No. That doesn't make sense. Why would they go through with a big public wedding if they were just going to force me to get a divorce later?"

  Jack's expression turns dark, his eyes fixed on me. "I'm not talking about a divorce."

  My breath catches in my throat. "No. They wouldn't do that. My father wouldn't let them. He'd find a different way. He has no problem killing people he doesn't know, but he wouldn't harm my wife. And he wouldn't let them do it either."

  "Maybe not. But Leland would. He'd do it himself. Especially if doing so would benefit his company."

  "Jack, no. That's taking it too far. He wouldn't do that."

  "You need to see people for who they are, Pearce. Leland has no connection to Rachel. He doesn't care about her."

  "Shit." I clench my fists, prepared to walk out the door and go kill that asshole right now. "I won't let him near her."

  "Pearce." Jack is in front of me now. "Don't act on this. It's just a theory. I could be completely off-base. But as I've told you many times, trust no one."

  I stand there, trying to put this together. Seeing if it could be true.

  "Do you really think that's my punishment?" I ask.

  He shrugs. "Maybe your punishment has nothing to do with Rachel, which would explain why Leland might come after her. He has to take matters into his own hands."

  "But doing so would get him in trouble with the organization. With all the wedding coverage in the media, Rachel is becoming well-known. If Leland did something to her, reporters would investigate, and that's the last thing the organization wants. Leland wouldn't put himself at risk like that, would he?"

  "Goddammit, Pearce. I don't have all the answers." He sits down again and forces his shoes back on his feet. "I'm just making shit up here. And the fact that you believe me without question is concerning." He stands up, adjusting his feet in the shoes, then walks over to me. "You need to start thinking the way they do. The way all the members do. You have to constantly be on the lookout, questioning your fellow members' actions, listening closely to what they say, searching for ulterior motives. I know it's a shitty way to live, but it's what you have to do. It's every man for himself, and you're dealing with some ruthless bastards who will do most anything to get ahead. I've done my fair share of bad shit to get where I am and I don't regret it. If I hadn't done those things, those bastards would've walked all over me. They already don't respect me, so I sure as hell wasn't going to let them win. I've fought for everything I have, and now I own one of the most successful companies in the world. But it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't played dirty."

  "So what do I do about Leland?"

  "Just act normal. You don't know anything for sure, and you don't want Rachel suspecting something's wrong. When you see Leland at the meetings, be overly friendly to him. It'll take him off guard. Say something about Rachel and see how he reacts. Watch his eyes. His mouth. Look for the slightest movements, because those are the most telling. If he reacts, then you'll know he's up to something."

  "I might already have the answer," I say, remembering my earlier conversation with him. "When I talked to Leland just now, he said it would be a shame if something happened to Rachel. He was being sarcastic, which just proves he's planning something. Fuck!"

  "No! That's not what it means. Dammit, Pearce! What did I just say? You need to think like them. They're cunning. Deceitful."

  "What are you saying?"

  "Leland was just playing you. Wanting you to think he'd come after Rachel. If that's really what he was planning, he wouldn't come out and admit to it. You should've told me this earlier. Now my whole theory is shit."

  "You said it was shit anyway."

  "Yes, but at least it was something." He sighs. "Maybe Leland's just planning a way to get you to divorce her. Or for her to divorce you." He nods. "Yes, that makes more sense. They know you won't leave her, but she might leave you, if she were presented with the right evidence."

  "What evidence?"

  "Evidence that you're cheating. Or doing something else she doesn't approve of."

  "They'll never have evidence of that. And your theory still doesn't explain why Leland would offer me a job."

  "Maybe he owed your father a favor. Holton did bail Leland out of that financial scandal a few years ago."

  "I suppose it's possible. But I'm still worried that Leland might be up to something."

  "Then keep a closer eye on Rachel. Or I'll do it. I'll install cameras on her car. See if anyone's following her."

  "Can you do it soon?"

  "Drive her car to the office on Monday and I'll do it then." Jack opens the door. "Come on. I'm sure our wives are wondering where the hell we are."

  We meet up with them back in the living room.

  Rachel's smiling and seems much happier than when we arrived, probably because she's talking to Martha, the only nice woman here. The rest of the women won't even speak to Rachel. Instead, they stand around gossiping about her.

  "Where have you been?" Rachel asks. "I was starting to think you weren't coming back."

  "Sorry. I got stuck talking to some people."

  "It's fine. Martha's been keeping me company."

  "Can we adopt her, Jack?" Martha says kiddingly. "I love this girl, and I always wanted another daughter."

  "After all the headaches our girls gave you?" He shakes his head. "Two was plenty."

  "You'll have to meet our daughters sometime," Martha says to Rachel.

  "Yes, I'd love to. Do they have any children?"

  "No," Jack answers. "And they better hurry the hell up. I want grandchildren before I'm dead. And the way I drink, I could go at any time."

  Martha rolls her eyes.

  "I think we'll head home," I say, securing my arm around Rachel's waist.

  "Are you sure?" she asks. "We haven't been here that long."

  "I know, but I have a headache and the noise in here is getting to me."

  "Okay." She hugs Martha. "I hope to see you again soon."

  "Yes. We'll have you over for dinner."

  "Steaks." Jack points to Rachel. "Medium-rare."

  She laughs. "Yes. Medium-rare."

  "Goodnight, Martha," I say to her. "Jack, I'll see you Monday."

  We make our way back to the front of the house. I flag down the maid and we wait for our coats. Then I tell the valet to get our car.

  "Leaving so soon?" Leland comes up next to me.

  I give him a big, friendly smile. "Yes, we need to head out. But perhaps we could meet for drinks next time you're in town."

  "Yes, I'd like that. I'll give you a call."

  He didn't react to my invitation or my over-the-top smile. No pause. No change in facial expression. Nothing.

  "Rachel, it was good to finally meet you," he says, shaking her hand.

  Again, nothing seems odd about their exchange. He's acting completely normal.

  The maid brings our coats and we say goodbye to Leland and go out to the car, which is waiting for us out front.


  I'm quiet on the drive home. I tell Rachel it's because of my headache, but it's really because I'm thinking. Trying to figure out what went on tonight. Am I just being paranoid? I didn't think so when I was at the party, but now I do. Leland wouldn't hurt Rachel. Because he knows if he did, I'd kill him, and I'd have no problem doing it.

  So he must have said those things just to rile me up. He does that all the time. With everyone. I know that about him, so why did I let him get to me like that? Jack's right. I need to be more on guard around these people. I need to see through their conniving ways and be just as conniving back. I don't want to be that way, but if I'm not, I won't survive.

  Almost two weeks have gone by and nothing has happened. By nothing, I mean nobody has been following Rachel. Jack installed those cameras on her car and I've been monitoring them, but haven't seen anything unusual.

  I met Royce for lunch last week and told him about Leland. I don't know if I should've done that. I know I can't trust Royce, but I can't trust any of them and I needed information and Royce always seems to know things he shouldn't. He's able to get people to talk and spill secrets, so he can be quite useful sometimes.

  Royce told me Leland's company was just awarded two government contracts but it hasn't been announced publicly yet. So if that's true, then Leland doesn't need whatever help my father offered him. Which means he has no motive to go after Rachel.

  When I told Royce my suspicions about Leland, he laughed and said Leland has better things to do than concern himself with my love life. It's true. And by the time our lunch was over, I'd convinced myself to stop obsessing over Leland.

  Since then, I've felt somewhat relieved, but I'm still nervous about what my punishment will be. Leland said it's been decided but not approved. So when will it be approved? Why is it taking so long? I wish they'd just punish me and get it over with. I don't want this hanging over my head for the next six months or however long they might take to do this.

  "I'm nervous," Rachel says, squeezing my hand.

  "I know, sweetheart." I pick up her hand and kiss it.

  We're sitting in the doctor's office. Rachel had her appointment the other day and now we're here for the results. She's been so anxious about this she's barely slept. I haven't either. I keep switching back and forth between wanting a child and not wanting one. There are pros and cons to both sides, but the cons usually win out because of the organization and what it could mean for my child's future.

  "Good afternoon." The doctor walks in the room, closing the door behind her. She says hello to Rachel, then says to me, "I'm Dr. Perkins. I assume you're Rachel's fiancé?"

  "Yes. Pearce Kensington."

  I haven't met the doctor before. I offered to go with Rachel to her appointment the other day, but she wanted to go alone.

  Dr. Perkins sits at her desk, setting a file down in front of her. "So, I have some good news and some not-so-good news."

  "Start with the good," Rachel says.

  Dr. Perkins smiles. "The good news is that getting pregnant shouldn't be a problem. Everything looks good in that regard."

  "And the bad news?" Rachel asks as she squeezes my hand.

  "I didn't say it was bad. It just isn't as good as I'd hoped it would be." She sets the folder aside and focuses on Rachel. "Your previous doctor was incorrect in saying you could never have children."

  Rachel exhales a breath and loosens her grip on my hand.

  "But it will be difficult to carry a baby to term. Not impossible. But difficult. Given your condition, your risk for miscarriage is much higher than for other women. In fact, it's possible that you'll have multiple miscarriages before you have a successful pregnancy. That can take a toll on both of you and can sometimes drive couples apart. So that's something to think about."

  "Is there anything we could do to reduce the chance of a miscarriage?" Rachel lets go of my hand and I put my arm around her.

  "Yes. We could try limiting your activity to as little as possible, especially in the early stages of your pregnancy."

  "Do you mean bed rest?"

  "Yes. Complete bed rest until you're at least sixteen weeks along, maybe longer. I can't say for sure until we're at that stage. We'd closely monitor you and make decisions as we go along. This won't be a typical pregnancy, but it's not something we haven't dealt with before."

  "So other women like me have had success?"

  "Yes. Many women just like you have given birth to healthy babies, but it sometimes takes several tries and you have to be willing to spend all those months in bed. I had one woman who spent nearly her entire pregnancy in bed."

  Rachel nods. "I'm willing to do that. I'll do whatever it takes."

  The doctor opens the folder and goes over Rachel's test results in more detail. I should be listening, but instead I'm trying to accept that this is really going to happen. We're going to try to have a baby. We have to. I can't tell Rachel no. She wants this way too much.

  I'm still torn about what I want. Part of me was hoping the news would be bad so that having a child wouldn't even be an option. That's horrible of me to think that, knowing how devastated Rachel would've been. But if she knew the truth about the organization and what it might mean for our child's future, would she still want a baby? She probably would. Her positive outlook would convince her we could get our child out of it. So that's what I need to do. I need to think that way. I need to hold out hope. Otherwise, I can't go through with this.

  "It will be a high-risk pregnancy."

  The words 'high-risk' catch my attention and I focus back on the doctor.

  "What does that mean?" I ask her. "Rachel's health could be at risk?"

  "Most likely the baby's health," she answers. "Although there could be complications for Rachel as well. Bed rest can be hard on the body and she could have a difficult delivery."

  Rachel glances at me. "It's okay. I'm willing to take the risk."

  I'm not. But I keep quiet as the doctor explains the other complications that could occur. By the time she's done, I'm not feeling good about this. My fears about the organization and about being a father have been replaced by my fears about what could happen to Rachel. The doctor assured us that the risk of serious complications is small, but that doesn't calm my fears.

  "So what are the next steps?" Rachel asks.

  "You and Pearce should take some time to discuss this. If you decide to move forward, we'll start you on prenatal vitamins and get you off the pill. But before we do that, I want you to eliminate the stress in your life. I know it's not possible to eliminate all of it, but you need to reduce it as much as you can. Doing so will increase the chances for pregnancy, and later, decrease the chance of a miscarriage."

  "We're getting married in March and then moving into a house," I say. "I assume that's too much stress?"

  "Yes," the doctor says to both of us. "A wedding and a move are both stressful, even though they're happy events. I would suggest maybe waiting until this summer, when you're settled in the house and things have calmed down. But that's up to you. I wouldn't wait too long because things will only become more difficult the older you get." She checks her folder again. "Rachel, you'll be turning 25 this summer?"

  "Yes."

  "That's a good age to start trying. I wouldn't want you to wait much longer than that."

  She wraps up by giving us some information to take home and read over. Then we leave and go out to the car. I hold Rachel's door open for her, but instead of getting in, she hugs me and I hear her sniffling.

  She's crying. I don't know what that means. Is she happy or sad?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  22

  RACHEL

  I just got my test results and the results showed that I can have a baby. It's possible. It's really possible!

  We just left the doctor's office and I'm a crying mess. Pearce probably thinks I'm crazy, but I couldn't help it. As soon as I walked out of the clinic, it hit me that I could be a mom, and my emotions just overwhelmed me
.

  "Rachel," Pearce says as he hugs me. "What's wrong?"

  I pull back and smile at him. "Nothing's wrong." I wipe my eyes. "These are tears of joy. I was prepared for bad news, but instead I found out we can have a baby. Pearce, I'm so happy." I hug him again.

  He's not saying anything. Is he not happy about this? What if he's not? What if he didn't want this?

  I let go of him and look at his face. It's not showing any emotion. And he's still not saying anything.

  He holds open my door and I get in the car and wait until he gets in on the other side.

  "You aren't happy," I say quietly, my eyes on my lap.

  "What?" The car is running and I don't think he heard me.

  "You aren't happy about the news." I say it louder this time.

  He puts his hand on my knee. "Of course I'm happy."

  "No. You're not. I can tell."

  "Can we talk about this at home?"

  I nod, and focus out the side window as he pulls out of the parking lot. The silence makes the drive back to the loft go painfully slow. And as we drive, I get more and more angry. How could he not want this? I know he's afraid to be a father, but he needs to get over it. All men are scared of fatherhood. My mom said my dad was scared to death. He was even afraid to hold my sister and me because he was sure he'd drop us on our heads. But he got over his fears, and then he loved being a dad. I know Pearce would too.

  When we're back at the loft, we both sit on the couch and I wait for Pearce to speak.

  "I know how much you want a child," he says, "but I don't like what you'll have to go through in order to have that child."

  "Pearce, I've already thought about this. I knew if this was possible that it wouldn't be easy, and I'm okay with that."

  "Well, I'm not sure that I am."

  "You're not the one going through it. I am. And I'm ready for whatever happens."

  "We'll be going through this together, Rachel. It's not just you. And I don't want to watch the woman I love suffer for nine months."

  "Bed rest is not suffering."

  "The doctor mentioned numerous complications. Not just for the baby, but for you."