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  She turns to me. "What did Austin say?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "When you told him it was me, what did he say?"

  "I didn't tell him."

  "You didn't?"

  "No. I thought you didn't want me to."

  "I don't, but I didn't think you'd keep a secret like that from him, especially now, after you slept with him."

  "It's not my secret to tell. It's your's."

  "Yeah, but Dylan and Austin are friends. I just thought—"

  "You and I are friends too, and you told me you didn't want anyone to know. And besides, you need to talk to Dylan before I tell Austin this. I wouldn't want him saying something to Dylan before you have a chance to talk to him."

  She shakes her head really fast. "I'm not talking to Dylan."

  "Why not?"

  She sighs. "We've already talked about this. It was one night. That's all it was ever supposed to be. Nothing more."

  "But he wants more. He wants to go out with you."

  "Well, it's not going to happen. I have a boyfriend."

  "Who you have no chemistry with."

  "That is not true," she says emphatically. "We have plenty of chemistry."

  "Then why does your sex life suck?"

  "It doesn't suck. It's just not great. And it doesn't have to be. Matt is a nice guy and he does nice things for me. He's smart. He's mature. He has a good job. He's a good boyfriend."

  "Who you have no chemistry with," I say again. "You had chemistry with Dylan."

  "Yeah. But that's all we had. Chemistry. A relationship has to be more than that."

  "You don't know what a relationship with Dylan would be like until you try it."

  She bursts up from the couch. "For the last time, I am not dating Dylan. We had a perfect, amazing, romantic night with sizzling hot sex and I'm not going to ruin the memory of that by dating him."

  I stand in front of her. "You know how crazy you sound? You're being completely unreasonable. And irrational."

  She turns her back to me. "I don't care. I'm not dating him."

  I go around to face her. "Then at least talk to him. He's been thinking about you ever since that night. He's been looking for you. He wrote a freaking song to get you back. If you're not interested, then at least tell him that so he can move on."

  "I don't want to see him again."

  "Really? Because I think you do. When you saw him on stage that night, your whole face lit up, a lot more than it does when you see Matt."

  She rolls her eyes. "You're exaggerating."

  "No, I'm not. I know you, Amber, and I can tell when you really like a guy, and I've never seen you like a guy as much as Dylan."

  She throws her hands up. "Because it's a fantasy. It's not real. Matt is real."

  "But he doesn't excite you. You're not excited when you talk about him, or when he comes over, or when you've just spent the night with him. I mean, just now, after being with Matt, you walked in here like a zombie, with no energy."

  "Because I'm tired. I need coffee." She goes to the kitchen and yanks the machine out from under the cabinet.

  "You wouldn't need coffee to be excited about Dylan. You should've seen your face when I told you he wrote a song about you. In fact, this entire time we've been talking about him, you've had more energy. You perked up as soon as I said his name, and then I mentioned Matt and your shoulders sagged."

  She scoops coffee grounds into the filter. "You're just making this up because you don't like Matt."

  "I like Matt. There's nothing wrong with him. He's just not the right guy for you."

  She pours water in the coffee pot, then turns to me, leaning against the counter. "So what are you doing today? Want to go to a movie?"

  I guess she's done talking about Dylan. She's so frustrating. She had this great night with a hot guy who really wants to date her and who I know she secretly wants to see again, and yet she refuses to even talk to him. She's always been like this. She denies herself the stuff she really wants. I don't know why.

  "I can't," I say. "Austin's picking me up and we're going to his house for a Labor Day cookout. His dad's grilling burgers. I could call him and see if you could come along. Or are you meeting up with Matt later?"

  "He has to work at the suit shop. They're having some big Labor Day sale and they needed extra help."

  "Then come with me to Austin's house."

  "I think I'll just stay here and hang out. This may be my last chance to veg out in front of the TV for a while. I have stuff going on every night next week. I think I'm in too many activities."

  "I keep telling you that but you don't listen."

  "Come sit down and have coffee with me. I want to hear more about last night." She smiles. "You didn't give me enough details."

  "I'm not giving you details. I told you all that I'm telling you."

  "You didn't tell me anything."

  "I told you we did it. That's all you need to know." I walk off. "I gotta go."

  "Where are you going?" she yells.

  "Outside," I call back from my room. "I want to get a walk in before Austin gets here."

  It's not a walk. It's a run. I need to train today, but since the gym is closed, I'm stuck doing a run, but I'll stop and do some pushups and tricep dips along the way.

  "I could go with you," I hear Amber say.

  "I think you need the coffee more than the walk," I say, returning to the kitchen with my laptop. Someone recorded Dylan's song last night and I found the video and had it cued up and ready to go in case Amber didn't believe me. She's sitting at the breakfast bar. I set the laptop in front of her. "Here. Watch this."

  "What it is?" she asks as I go back to my room.

  "Your song," I call back, then close my door. She needs to watch that and hear for herself the emotion in Dylan's voice when he sang that song. I didn't mention that when I told her about it because I knew I wouldn't be able to describe it. She needs to hear it herself.

  I take extra long to change into my running clothes, giving her time to watch the video more than once. When I go back to the kitchen, she's staring straight ahead at the wall. I go over and notice she's closed the website that had the video.

  "You okay?" I ask, moving my laptop aside.

  She slowly nods. "Yeah."

  "You want to talk about it?"

  "No," she says quietly.

  We can talk later. Right now, she needs time to process this. Seeing that video made it real. She could see Dylan and hear his voice, and she could listen to the lyrics he wrote. That's a lot more real than me telling her about it.

  "I'll see you later." I take my laptop back to my room and sit on my bed and check my email. I don't use email much, but my parents do and they get mad when I don't check it. There's nothing there except junk mail, but then an email pops up from my former gymnastics coach. It's her e-newsletter that goes out once a month and talks about what's new in the world of gymnastics, what competitions are coming up, health and fitness tips. It's a mix of topics. This month it's all about Talia, a student of hers who is quickly rising to the top. She's only 14 and already winning competitions. I'm happy for her, but also jealous. I want so badly to be her, training for hours a day, preparing for competitions. That used to be my life and I loved it and miss it more than anything.

  I click back to my desktop on the file that has my old gymnastics videos. I labeled the file 'funny cats' so if my mom ever snooped around on my laptop, she'd think it was cat videos. I even re-labeled the videos with cat names.

  She doesn't want me watching the videos. She thinks it's bad for me. That I'm reliving the past instead of looking forward. We had a big fight about it so I told her I took the videos off my computer, but they're still here, hidden under a cat alias.

  I click on the first video. It was filmed when I was 17. I'm on the balance beam, my movements smooth and fluid as I flip in the air. I feel myself breathing in and out with each move, the way I would if I were performing that routine right
now. Watching it seems so real. Like I'm actually there doing it. I can still feel the movements my body would make, feel my breath change as I flip in the air, my muscles clench as I hold the pose.

  The video ends and I click on another. And then another, my eyes glued to the screen as I imagine myself there again, doing what I love. I'm jolted back to reality by the sound of the bathroom door shutting and then the shower turning on. I check the clock. It's after ten. I need to do my run. I close my laptop and grab my keys and go.

  As soon as I'm outside, I take off. I probably should warm up first but I can't. I'm too pumped. Too angry. Too determined. I sprint down the sidewalk that goes by my apartment, running as fast as I can as I replay those videos in my head.

  I never should've fallen off that beam, but I did, and now I have to get back to the place I was before that happened. But in order to do that, I have to work my ass off. Pain or no pain, nothing's going to stop me. I'm doing this. I'm going to get back to where I was before. And nothing and nobody is going to stop me.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Austin

  "Did you get enough to eat?" I ask Kira as we finish lunch. "Because my dad could grill you up some more burgers."

  "No, thanks." She laughs. "One was plenty."

  I've been teasing her for not eating enough. I told her how much my family eats, especially me and my brothers. She has brothers too, but they're younger and smaller than us so don't eat nearly as much as my family does. My dad and I each had two burgers and I also had a grilled chicken breast. And then we had sides; grilled corn, coleslaw, baked beans, and my dad got brownies from the store bakery. So yeah, we pigged out. I eat whatever I want on holidays.

  "It's nice you could join us," my dad says to Kira. "We usually have a much larger crowd on a holiday but now that my sons all have girlfriends, they tend to want to do their own thing." He smiles. "Except for you two."

  "I wouldn't leave you all alone on the holiday, Dad." I smile at him. "And as for Kira, I lured her here with your burgers. I told her about your talents on the grill."

  "It was all really good," she says. "Thanks again for having me."

  She's thanked him at least three times and I smiled each time she did it. I like a girl with manners. Sadly, that's hard to find.

  My dad stands up from the table. "I suppose I should clean this up."

  Kira jumps up. "I can do it."

  "Thanks, but I don't need any help. You two stay out here and relax. "

  "Are you sure?" She looks desperate to help.

  He glances at me, a smile in his eyes. He likes her. I knew he did, but now that he's had more time with her, he likes her even more.

  He nods at me. "Just keep him out of trouble. Can you do that for me?"

  "Okay." She smiles as she sits down.

  My dad takes our plates and goes inside the house.

  I hold Kira's hand and lean back in my chair. "Awesome day. Not too hot. Not too windy."

  "I know. I went out and ran this morning and it was perfect."

  I look at her. "You went running?"

  "Just a few miles. I did sprints."

  I smile at her. "You work out more than I do."

  "I like working out. And I really need to get in better shape."

  My eyes fall over her curvy yet muscular body. "You're already in great shape." I lean over and kiss her. "You're freaking hot. Your body's perfect."

  "Thanks, but I want to be in better shape. I need to get stronger. I was thinking we need to up the intensity of my workouts. I want to push myself."

  I turn to face her. "I'm already working you pretty hard. If you push it much more, you're gonna get hurt."

  "I won't. I know my limits."

  I shrug. "All right. Then we'll push you harder." I kiss her, then talk over her mouth. "But you're gonna be sore, which means you'll need a massage."

  She smiles. "From you?"

  "I'm your trainer. It's part of my job."

  My phone rings but I ignore it.

  "You better get that," she says.

  I pick my phone up from the table and see it's Dylan. I answer it. "What's up?"

  "What are you doing tonight?"

  "Hanging out with my girlfriend." I look at her, a grin on my face. "Why?"

  "K6 had their band cancel at the last minute and they called and asked if we could play. Craig said they always get a big crowd on Labor Day. It'd be good promo for us."

  "What time?"

  "We'd start playing at nine. You good with that?"

  "Yeah. Let's do it. I'll see you there." I set the phone down and talk to Kira. "This club wants Vandyl to play tonight so I told Dylan I'd do it. I know we were going to hang out but—"

  "Austin, don't worry about it. You need to play. Like you said, with Van and Dylan back in school you won't have as many opportunities to play, so you should do this."

  She actually understands. Girls never understand. The ones I've dated in the past used to get pissed if I'd cancel a date for the band, which would then lead to us breaking up. They didn't get it that gigs don't just come along every day. You take what you can get.

  "Will you be there?" I ask.

  "I can't. I have to do some reading for class tomorrow."

  I check my watch. We had a late lunch and now it's after four. "Then let's get out of here and have some alone time before I have to meet up with the guys."

  "I don't want to leave yet. We just finished eating. It's rude to leave right after eating."

  "My dad won't care. He didn't expect us to be here all night."

  The deck door opens and Nash comes walking out. "Hey." He notices how close I'm sitting to Kira and our linked hands. "Am I interrupting something?" He smiles.

  "You're always interrupting something," I joke. "This is Kira. Kira, this is my brother, Nash."

  She gets up and shakes his hand and they say hi.

  "And that's his fiancé, Callie," I say as she comes outside, holding a tray of cupcakes. "Callie, this is Kira."

  "Hi." She smiles really wide. Callie's been wanting me to find a girlfriend for months. She's constantly trying to set me up.

  "Did you make those?" Kira asks, pointing to the cupcakes.

  "Yeah." Callie sets them on the table. "I went to see a friend who owns the bakery I used to work at and we ended up making cupcakes. We also made cookies but Nash ate them all on the way here."

  He pats his stomach as he sits down across from me. "I was being a pig but I couldn't help it. They were these chocolate caramel cookies that melted in your mouth."

  "Nice of you to share," I say.

  "Like you would've eaten them." He looks at Kira. "Is he driving you crazy with his diet?"

  "No. I eat the same way."

  I put my arm around her. "Told you she's perfect."

  I haven't said much to my brothers about Kira, but I did mention that she likes to work out as much as me.

  "You guys doing anything tonight?" Callie asks, sitting next to Nash.

  "I'm playing at K6," I say. "Kira's staying home because she has class tomorrow."

  "Me too," Callie says to her. "I have class at eight in the morning. Early morning classes are the worst."

  "I go to the gym at six, so eight isn't a big deal."

  "You work out that early?" Nash asks. "And eat like him?" He looks at me. "Shit, you two are made for each other."

  I smile at Kira, then look back at Nash and Callie. "So what are you two doing here? I thought you weren't coming back until tonight."

  "We wanted to stop by and see Dad. This is the first time I've missed the Labor Day cookout so Callie and I thought we'd stop by for dessert." He shoves the tray of cupcakes over to us. "Here. Try one. She made all kinds."

  "The lemon coconut is really good," Callie says. "Or the chocolate peanut butter if you're in a chocolate mood."

  "I'm always in a chocolate mood," Kira says, taking a cupcake.

  My dad joins us and we all hang out there and talk for a few hours. I was ho
ping to go back to Kira's place and have us hide away in her bedroom until I had to leave, but she seemed to want to hang out with my family. The other night she told me she misses her family, so maybe she wants to borrow mine. If so, I have no problem with that. In fact, I like that she's comfortable around them and wants to spend time with them, because if we continue to date, she'll be seeing a lot of my family. We're all really close and spend a lot of time together.

  At seven, I take Kira back to her apartment but I don't go inside, knowing that if I did, I'd be late meeting the guys. So we say goodnight at her door.

  Later that night, as I'm playing with the band, I see all those girls in the crowd yelling my name and all I can think about is Kira. She's in my head all the time now.

  The next morning, we meet up at the gym at quarter to six. Starting tomorrow, I'm back to a seven-thirty to four shift, so if Kira wants to train with me, it has to be early.

  "How are you feeling?" I ask Kira after pushing her hard on the free weights. We've been lifting together for a half hour. She's working mostly legs today combined with a little upper body work.

  "Good." She wipes the sweat off her brow. "What's next?"

  "You just need to do the machines and then you're done. Let's start with the leg extension." We walk over to the machine and I wait for her to adjust it. "Okay, go ahead."

  She does one rep. "It's not enough weight. Add some more."

  "You sure? This is what you did last time."

  "It's not enough. Add fifty pounds."

  "Fifty pounds?" I smile, assuming she's kidding. "I'll add ten." I move the pin.

  "No. Fifty. I can do it."

  I step around the machine so I can see her face. She looks serious, like she really wants me to add fifty pounds.

  "Fifty is too much," I tell her. "Ten is plenty."

  She gets up and moves the pin herself, adding fifty pounds. Then she gets back on the machine.

  "Kira." I hold her legs down. "Don't. You'll get hurt."

  "I told you I wanted to push myself," she says, sounding angry.

  "Yeah, but we can do that by adding ten."

  "It's not enough." She pushes my hands off her legs. "Why don't you go do something else?" Now she sounds annoyed.