Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel Read online

"You haven't played in years. I still play with my brothers. I already know I'll beat you."

  "I already know you won't." I jump up from the couch. "I need my licorice." I go to the kitchen and take it from the counter. We bought a big bag of it at the store.

  "No licorice. You're playing without it this time."

  "Bullshit. Licorice is my secret weapon. It's how I'm gonna beat your ass." I tear open the bag of licorice and sit back down on the couch.

  "That's tough talk for someone who hasn't played in four years." Bryce hands me one of the game controllers as the hockey game appears. We used to play this game all the time. I don't even like hockey but I like the video game.

  "Who says I haven't played?" I ask, biting into a piece of licorice.

  He stares at me. "You played this with someone else?" He sounds hurt.

  "Not this game. A different one. Never mind." I nod at the screen. "Get it started."

  "I'm not ready yet." He stands up. "I gotta stretch."

  I laugh. "You've gotta stretch to play video games?"

  He tilts his neck side to side. "Gotta make sure I'm in top form. Muscles warmed up. Body limber. Agile." He arches back and shakes his arms out a little.

  I roll my eyes. "You ready yet?"

  "Yeah." He sits down again, legs spread, leaning forward. He grabs the controller and starts the game.

  Within seconds I score a goal. "Yes!" I yell, grabbing another piece of licorice.

  "What the hell?" He fumbles with his controller, pressing hard on the buttons, his arms rising and falling as he moves his player down the ice. My goalie blocks him. I get control of the puck and shoot it down the ice and almost make another goal.

  "Nice try," he says, smiling as he steals the puck back. He attempts another goal but misses.

  We keep going and I get another goal, and then another one.

  "Okay, that's it." He pauses the game and snatches my licorice bag. "No more of this."

  "Give it back!" I reach for it.

  "No way. It's cheating."

  "Eating licorice is not cheating."

  "It is when you eat it. It's an unfair advantage."

  "You're being crazy. Now give it back."

  "Nope." He hides it behind his back. "You'll just have to play without it."

  I drop my controller and launch myself at him, reaching behind him and stealing my licorice back. "Ha! Got it!" I say, stashing the bag in the cushion behind me.

  He raises his brow. "One game. No licorice."

  "No way. Forget it. I don't play without my licorice."

  His body lurches toward me and I fall back, laughing, as his arm goes under me, searching for the bag. I hear the crinkling of the plastic as he finds it, but then his hand stills. I look up and see his face right over mine. I feel his warm breath over my lips and my gaze falls to his mouth. His lips are slightly parted as he breathes heavily in and out. I lift my eyes and they collide with his and it's like we both suddenly make a decision, but not with our heads. We're not thinking with our heads right now. We're going on pure instinct, acting on our urges.

  He lowers his mouth to mine and kisses me, slowly, cautiously. I slide my hand behind his neck and kiss him back. He breathes out a heavy sigh like he's contemplating whether to continue this. But then I feel his lips pressing into mine, and then his tongue in my mouth. My body bursts to life, craving more. With my hand still firmly around the back of his neck I lift my legs up and try to sneak them around him to lie down. He senses what I'm doing and gets up just enough for me to move my legs, then with our mouths still connected, he lowers himself over me. His hand takes hold of my hip as he deepens the kiss, his tongue moving in a slow sensual motion. I hear him groan and realize I'm moving my hips to that same motion, grinding into his erection, which is pressing between my legs.

  "Jen," he whispers.

  "Keep going," I whisper back.

  "This isn't...we can't..." he mutters between kisses.

  "We don't have to," I whisper. "But we can still..." I don't finish the thought, not wanting to limit this. Because if he wanted to go all the way, I would. It's what I want, but Bryce doesn't, and probably never will. But that doesn't mean he won't do other things.

  We kiss some more and then I feel his body shift to the side and his hand slip under my sweatshirt. When he reaches my breast, he pauses a moment, like he forgot I wasn't wearing a bra. I softly moan, and the sound makes him kiss me harder, his hand gently squeezing my breast. My heart's pounding so fast I have to break from the kiss to catch my breath.

  Bryce takes the opportunity to kiss my neck as he slowly pushes my sweatshirt up. I slip it off and his eyes go to my breasts. I see his neck move as he swallows, then watch as his mouth lowers over my nipple, licking and sucking, making me writhe in pleasure. His hand slips down my pajama pants, finding just the right spot and stroking it, sending me reeling with even more pleasure. I push my hips into his hand and feel his finger slip inside me, followed by another.

  My body takes over, ignoring any thoughts about this being wrong and just letting it happen, like I've wanted it to for so long. Maybe this will change our friendship, or maybe it won't. Right now, I don't want to think about it. I just want to be in this moment, fully and completely, as he touches me.

  I feel the tension rising, my breaths shallow, my heart racing. And then my hips rock up from the couch as it hits me, the sensations shuddering through my body, leaving me panting and gasping for breath.

  It's the first time that's happened with a guy. I know that sounds crazy but it's true. Even my ex-boyfriend couldn't get me there. He tried but nothing worked and I eventually faked it, like I did with all the other guys I've been with. Part of me thinks I wouldn't let myself go there because my heart is with Bryce and I wanted him to be the one to make me feel this way. Which he did just now, and damn, it was worth the wait.

  Bryce's hand slides back up to my hip and he kisses me. But it's softer than before, gentler, like he's saying we're done, even though he's still in need of some relief. I sneak my hand down between us but he takes it and puts it back by my side.

  "We should get back to the game," he says, kissing my cheek and then my forehead.

  "But I—"

  "Jen." His eyes go to mine. "Just let it be."

  He doesn't want to talk about it. Typical Bryce. Always shutting down whenever we move past the friend line. He just made me feel something I've never felt with any other guy, and yet he won't talk about it. And he won't let me give that feeling back to him. He's so frustrating.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Bryce

  I crossed a line. Did something I shouldn't have. And this time, I can't use being drunk as an excuse for why I did it. So how do I explain it? I don't, at least not to Jen. And I don't need to explain it to myself. I know why I did it. I couldn't resist her. I tried. Believe me, I did. But as soon as I reached under her to get that licorice and saw her face just below mine, I couldn't stop myself. I've wanted to kiss her since the moment we left the bar and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. So when she was right there in front of me, I couldn't hold back. I kissed her, and after I did, I wanted more. I wanted to touch her, feel her soft skin, kiss her beautiful lips.

  I didn't intend to take it farther than the kiss, but then she told me to keep going and I couldn't tell her no. Because it's what I wanted too. I wanted to please her, to pleasure her, to make her body come alive from my touch. And it did. She was moaning, writhing, holding onto me as the feeling rolled through her. Then she relaxed back on the couch with a look on her face that made me wonder if she's never experienced that before.

  Maybe she hasn't. Obviously she has with herself, but maybe I'm the first guy who's done that to her, not the actual touching part but getting her off. That's too bad if that's the case, but if it's true, I'm secretly happy I was the first to do it. I would've liked to be her first everything, but I wasn't, because of my refusal to date her. I try not to think about who she had those firsts wi
th, but I have a pretty good idea.

  I can read Jen like a book so I knew when she'd had her first kiss and when she lost her virginity. She tried to act like nothing happened, but I could tell. Just like I can tell right now that she desperately wants to talk about what we just did and what it means. But there's no use talking about it. It was a one-time thing. It shouldn't have happened but it did and we can't go back. We just have to move forward and go back to being friends.

  "You gonna kick my ass again?" I ask, handing her the game controller.

  "Probably." She gives me a smug grin. "But first I need something to drink." She sets the controller down and goes to the kitchen. "You want anything?"

  "I'll take a Coke." I get up. "I'll be right back." I go to the bathroom and adjust myself in my jeans, then splash cold water on my face and the back of my neck. I was already hot, but now I'm burning up and need to cool down. I dry my face, then go to my dresser and find some basketball shorts to put on.

  "You want a glass?" Jen asks.

  I turn around. "For what?"

  "Your Coke." Her eyes go down to my shorts, which are straining against my erection. I don't care if she sees it. She knows she turns me on. It's no secret. And she felt it when I was on top of her on the couch.

  "I'll just drink out of the bottle."

  Her eyes quickly move back to my face. "What'd you say?"

  "The Coke. I'll just drink out of the bottle."

  "Oh, yeah. Okay." She turns and walks out of the room.

  We meet back on the couch and resume our game. She wins the first one, then I win the next. We're both competitive so we keep playing, alternating wins, until I finally win three in a row.

  "That's it for tonight," she says, tossing her controller aside. We've been playing for hours and it's almost midnight. "I need to get some sleep and then I'll beat your ass tomorrow."

  I smile. "Yeah, I don't think so."

  We gather up the food wrappers and pop bottles scattered over the table and take them to the kitchen, tossing them in the garbage.

  Jen yawns. "I'm really tired."

  "Let me use the bathroom quick and then the bedroom's all yours."

  "You're not sleeping there?" she asks as we walk down the hall.

  "I'll take the couch tonight." I go in my room and straight to the bathroom.

  "Bryce, that couch isn't big enough," she says, standing at the door as I brush my teeth.

  "I'll be fine." I set my toothbrush in the holder and wipe my mouth on the towel.

  "You said your back hurts. It'll hurt even worse sleeping on the couch."

  "Guess we'll find out." I go past her out of the bathroom. "Goodnight."

  As I'm leaving the bedroom, I hear her behind me. "Bryce?"

  I turn back. "Yeah?"

  "Thanks for letting me stay here. It's so much better than being at my mom's house."

  "No problem."

  She smiles. "And thanks for high school flashback night. I had fun."

  "Same here." I smile back. "Especially since I crushed you in hockey."

  "Hey!" She takes one of my pillows and throws it at me but I'm already out the door. "Just wait until tomorrow!" I hear her say.

  Stopping at the hall closet, I grab a blanket, then go back to the bedroom and get the pillow she threw at me, which is sitting on the floor. She's in the bathroom with the door closed.

  I return to the living room, turn off the lights, and lie down on the couch. It's not a bad couch, but I'm 6'4 and it's not long enough for someone as tall as me. My feet hang off the edge. I turn on my side and scrunch my legs up, which is even more uncomfortable than having my feet hang off.

  A few minutes later I get a text. It's from Jen and says, I feel bad you're sleeping out there. Would you just come in here?

  I text back, I'm good. Just go to sleep.

  Another text pops up from Jen. You're so frustrating.

  She's referring to more than the fact that I'm sleeping on the couch. She's frustrated with my refusal to take our relationship farther, which we easily could've done tonight. But we can't do that. We can't go there. I know she understands that. She just doesn't accept it.

  An hour later, I'm still trying to get comfortable on the couch. It's just too damn small for someone my size to sleep on. I'm going to have to go sleep in the bed. Besides, it's where I want to be. I want to be next to Jen. She might be moving away soon and this week may be my last chance to spend time with her. From next week until the end of the semester, she'll be busy with classes and working her three jobs. And any free time she has will be spent sending out resumes.

  I take my pillow and make my way down the hall to my room. The door is open and through the hint of light coming in from outside, I see Jen curled up under the blanket. I go around to the other side of the bed and slowly get in, trying not to wake her.

  "Bryce?" she mumbles.

  "Yeah," I whisper. "Sorry I woke you up. I couldn't sleep on the couch."

  "I told you," she says. "I bet your giant feet were hanging off." She quietly laughs.

  "You think that's funny?" I slide up next to her and slip my arm around her waist to pull her in for a hug, then feel her soft skin against mine and realize she isn't wearing a shirt. I move my hand down to check that she's wearing pants. She is, but the topless thing has thrown me. I wasn't expecting this. Now it's going to be even harder to sleep next to her.

  "What happened to your sweatshirt?" I ask.

  "I got too hot and I was too tired to get up and find a t-shirt."

  "You want me to get you one?"

  "No. I don't need it." She backs up, pressing her warm body into mine.

  Despite telling myself I would stay on my own side of the bed, I can't do it. She feels too damn good for me to pull away. I bend my legs slightly to conform to hers and wrap my arm fully around her waist, holding her even closer. Her hand goes over mine and when I lift my fingers slightly she laces my hand with hers, just like I wanted her to do.

  We know each other so well that we can read each other's movements. We know what they mean. The same with our tone when we talk, and our faces when our expressions change. I don't think I'll ever have that kind of connection with someone else, and I don't think I want to. Jen has a special place in my heart, and even when she leaves and moves on with someone else, she'll still have that place in my heart. She'll always be with me, even when she's gone.

  "Goodnight," Jen whispers.

  "Goodnight," I whisper back, then without even thinking, I gently kiss her shoulder. I'd like to keep going, letting my mouth work its way down every inch of her beautiful body, but I won't let myself do it. So instead, I hold her in my arms, wishing we could be like this forever. But since we can't, I'll take tonight.

  The next morning, I wake up on my other side. Jen's body is pressed into my back and her arm is around my chest. This is how I want to wake up every day, with the feel of Jen wrapped around me, or me around her. I've even imagined it in my head. I've pictured Jen and me in the future, living together, waking up with her in my bed. And then I see her getting up, putting on a suit, and going to her corporate job while I throw on jeans and a t-shirt and pound a hammer all day. That's when I wake up from my fantasy and realize we don't fit. She needs to be with someone better. Someone smarter. Someone she wouldn't be embarrassed to introduce her boss to. That someone isn't me.

  Jen's hand moves softly over my chest. "Are you awake?"

  "Yeah. Do you know what time it is?"

  "Nine-fifteen. I just checked my phone. Are you late for work?"

  "I'm not working today." I roll onto my back but Jen's hand remains on my chest. "My dad texted me last night and told me to take today off since I worked so much last week finishing that kitchen."

  "So what are you doing today?"

  "Trying to fix your car."

  "Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. I guess we should get going."

  "No. I want you to stay here where it's warm. Besides, weren't you planning to work on
your paper?"

  "Yeah, I guess. How long do you think it'll take to fix the car?"

  "I won't know until I figure out what's wrong with it. If it's not something simple, I might have to tow it to my dad's house and work on it there."

  "If you do, I'll come over and keep you company."

  "You don't have to. You need to work on your paper."

  "I have all week to do that."

  My phone rings on the nightstand and I reach over to get it. "It's my dad," I say to Jen. I answer it. "Hey, Dad, what's up?"

  "Don't bother going to the house on Jackson tomorrow. We have to postpone the job until the weather clears up."

  "What weather?" I glance down at Jen, who's now lying on my chest, the blanket pulled up over her. If anyone saw us right now, with Jen topless and lying on my bare chest, they'd assume we're dating, and yet we're just friends. At least that's what we tell ourselves.

  "Haven't you looked out your window?" my dad asks. "We had sleet overnight and an inch of snow. Supposed to get a lot more snow today or tomorrow and then it might turn to rain. And the wind is really picking up. It's too hard to work under those conditions. I told the homeowners we're going to have to postpone the job until next week."

  The project on Jackson Street is an add-on to a house; a three season room that'll be built just off the kitchen. It'll take a few weeks to complete. Austin's going to work on it with me, along with a small crew of guys we've worked with in the past.

  "So where am I working this week?" I ask.

  "You're not. I'm giving you the week off. Spend it with Jen. Take her to the movies or do something else she likes."

  I'm getting the feeling this is a set-up. My dad keeps telling me not to let Jen go so this could be his last attempt to get us together. But he didn't have any control over the weather so maybe this isn't a set-up. Still, he could've assigned me to work somewhere else.

  "But doesn't Nash need help with—"

  "Nash doesn't need help," he says. "Neither does Jake. You're taking the week off and so is Austin. You've both been putting in a lot of hours the past month and could use some time off. And Austin's been wanting some time to work on his music so now he'll have all week to focus on it."