Protecting Her
CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright
Chapter One - 1
Chapter Two - 2
Chapter Three - 3
Chapter Four - 4
Chapter Five - 5
Chapter Six - Six Weeks Later
Chapter Seven - 7
Chapter Eight - 8
Chapter Nine - 9
Chapter Ten - One Year Later
Chapter Eleven - 11
Chapter Twelve - 12
Chapter Thirteen - 13
Chapter Fourteen - Five Years Later
Chapter Fifteen - 15
Chapter Sixteen - 16
Chapter Seventeen - 17
Chapter Eighteen - Four Years Later
Chapter Nineteen - 19
Chapter Twenty - 20
Chapter Twenty-One - 21
Chapter Twenty-Two - Earlier That Day
Chapter Twenty-Three - 23
Chapter Twenty-Four - Three Months Later
Chapter Twenty-Five - 25
Chapter Twenty-Six - Three Years Later
Protecting Her
By Allie Everhart
Protecting Her
By Allie Everhart
Copyright © 2015 Allie Everhart
All rights reserved.
Published by Waltham Publishing, LLC
Cover Design by Sarah Hansen of Okay Creations
This book is a work of fiction. The characters, things, and events are fictitious, and any similarities to real persons (live or dead), things, or events are coincidental and not intended by the author. Brand names of products mentioned in this book are used for reference only and the author acknowledges that any trademarks and product names are the property of their respective owners.
The author holds exclusive rights to this work and unauthorized duplication is prohibited. No part of this book is to be reproduced in any form without written permission from the author.
CHAPTER ONE
1
PEARCE
I’ve been waiting all day to see her and the nurse finally gave me the okay. I walk in her room and see Rachel lying there resting, her eyes closed. She’s hooked up to an IV and monitors.
I hate seeing her this way. They said she’ll be okay, but still. I feel guilty, thinking maybe I should’ve told her no. I knew the risks involved with her having a child, and yet I let her do it anyway. And then she almost died giving birth. If she had, I would’ve blamed myself. I’d always blame myself if anything ever happened to her.
I sit on the side of her bed and gently take her hand in mine.
“Pearce.” Her eyes open and she looks at me.
“I’m here, sweetheart.” I lean down and kiss her forehead. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired,” she says, struggling to keep her eyes open.
“Go ahead and rest. I’ll be right here.”
“I’m okay. I’ll sleep later.” She smiles weakly. “Did you hold him yet?”
“Yes.” I smile, which seems to happen every time I think of him. “I’ve held him several times now.”
Her face lights up, like she got a sudden burst of energy. “Tell me about him.”
“He has your eyes. Beautiful blue eyes.”
“Maybe they’re your eyes. You have blue eyes too.”
“Yes, but mine are a silvery blue. His are bright blue, like yours. Like a bright blue sky on a sunny day.”
She smiles even wider. “When can I see him?”
“Whenever you’re ready. The nurse was just waiting for you to wake up. I’ll go tell her you’re awake.”
Just then, the door swings open and the nurse wheels the baby in. “Are you ready to meet your son?”
“Yes,” Rachel says, smiling as she watches the nurse pick him up.
Rachel sits up straighter and the nurse hands her the baby.
“I’ll give you some time with him,” the nurse says.
When she’s gone, I look over at Rachel and see tears running down her cheeks.
I lightly rub her arm. “Rachel, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she says, gazing down at the baby. “Everything’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. We have a baby, Pearce. A beautiful baby boy.” She lifts him up and kisses him. “I love you so much,” she says to him. “I loved you before you were even born.”
She skims her finger over his cheek. His eyes are open, watching her. “Garret Evans Kensington,” she says to him. “That’s your name. Did your daddy already tell you that?”
I smile at him. “Yes. We went over that. We’ve already had several father-son talks while you were resting.”
Garret’s eyes moved over to me as I spoke, and are still on me now.
“Look at how he responds to you,” Rachel says. “He knows your voice, Pearce. He knows you’re his father.”
“Yes. I noticed that earlier. He responds to you as well.”
She speaks to the baby again. “You are so precious. And so sweet. And handsome like your daddy.”
She talks to him some more, and kisses him, and looks at him. I just watch them interact. Rachel’s so happy. Happier than I’ve ever seen her.
After a while, she looks up at me, “Would you like to hold him?”
“You should. You haven’t had any time with him. I’ll have plenty of time with him when I take him home.”
“Will you be okay? Taking him home by yourself?”
“Yes. Of course.” It’s a lie. I’m terrified of taking him home. I don’t know how to care for an infant. I was counting on Rachel to do that, and I’d just be there to help. But they’re keeping her in the hospital for a few more days and sending the baby home with me sometime tomorrow.
“Pearce, it’s a lot of work. He’ll be up all night. You have to feed him, change him, get him to sleep.”
“I know. I can handle it.”
“Maybe one of the neighbors could help. Mrs. Landow had three children.”
Rachel’s referring to the woman who lives next door to us. She’s a very nice woman, but she’s elderly and has numerous health problems.
“Mrs. Landow can barely care for herself. And I don’t like asking our neighbors for assistance. I can take care of him. It’s just for a few days.”
“Still, I think you might need some help. What about Martha?”
“Martha and Jack are still in Europe on vacation.”
“That’s right. I forgot.” She pauses. “What about your mother?”
“No,” I answer quickly. “That’s not an option. Besides, she hired a nanny to care for me. She wouldn’t know what to do with a baby.”
“Pearce, I’m sure she took care of you at least some of the time. You should call her.”
“My parents aren’t even aware that we had the baby. And given that they haven’t spoken to us in almost two years, I doubt my mother would even answer my call.”
Rachel’s eyes are on Garret. “Maybe it’s time to end this. Maybe it’s time to reach out to them and try to be a family again. I’m sure they’d like to meet their grandson.”
“Let’s not talk about this right now. Let’s just enjoy the baby before the nurse comes back.” As I say it, she walks in and takes Garret back to the nursery.
Rachel falls asleep. I remain there, waiting until she wakes up again, then spend a few more hours with her before heading home.
The next morning, I arrive at the hospital at eight. Rachel looks better; more rested and her skin has more color. I spend the day with her, and every time the nurse brings the baby in, Rachel’s whole face lights up. I think mine does too.
Around four, the nurse brings him in again. I’m wondering if I could have them keep the baby here another night. Just one more, so I could get better prepared. Last night
I stayed up reading all the baby books we have, but I still feel unprepared.
“Did the nurse say when they’re sending him home?” Rachel asks, like she was reading my mind.
“She said sometime today. I’ll ask when she comes to get him.”
Rachel leans down and kisses him. “I don’t want her to take him. I just want to hold him until you bring him home.”
“I’ll bring him back tomorrow.” I put my hand on his head, which is covered in a little blue hat. “What time should we come visit your mother, Garret?”
His eyes open, but just slightly.
“Here.” She offers him to me. “I like seeing you with him.”
I take him in my arms, feeling that warmth that fills my chest every time I hold him.
“How does it feel?” Rachel asks. “To be a dad?” I hear the concern in her tone and see it on her face.
She knows how much I feared being a father. And now that I am, that fear has grown. I have this perfect little human being, a son, who depends on me, and I feel as though I’ll never be a good enough father to him. But Rachel doesn’t need to know that.
“It feels good,” I say as I look at Garret, who’s now sound asleep. “I wasn’t sure how I would feel, but as soon as I saw him, I felt nothing but love.”
She puts her hand on my arm. “You’re going to be such a good father, Pearce. He already loves you. I can tell.”
I smile at her. “And how can you tell? He just met me.”
“Because when I was pregnant with him, he always kicked and moved around when he heard your voice. And just now, when he heard your voice, his eyes opened.”
“Perhaps I just have a distinct voice.”
“No.” Her hand is still on my arm and she gently squeezes it. “It’s you. He knows you’re his father and he’s trying to connect with you.”
I know she’s trying to assuage my fears, but her comment only makes me more anxious. What if I can’t be what he needs? What if he expects more from me than I can give him? Will he grow up hating me?
I can’t screw this up. I have to be a good father. The best father I can possibly be. I only have one chance to get this right. Garret is our only child. We won’t be having another, at least I hope we won’t. That’s something Rachel and I need to discuss.
The doctor spoke with me earlier and told me that Rachel shouldn’t be having more children. It’s too dangerous. Her pregnancy, although difficult, went better than planned, but then she nearly died during the delivery. The doctor said it’s ultimately up to Rachel and me, but that the best decision would be for Rachel to not get pregnant again.
“You should hold him now.” I give the baby back to Rachel just as the nurse comes in.
“We’re going to get him ready to take home,” she says.
A tight knot forms in my stomach. I don’t think I can do this. I can’t take care of an infant by myself.
Rachel lifts the baby up to her face and kisses his cheek. “I guess you have to go. Mommy will be home soon. Your daddy will take good care of you. I love you, sweetie.” She kisses him again, leaving her lips on his forehead as she closes her eyes and breathes him in. She always tells me she loves the smell of a baby’s head. I don’t get it. It doesn’t smell like anything to me.
Rachel opens her eyes and hands him to the nurse. She puts him in his bassinet and wheels him out of the room.
“Did you talk to the doctor?” Rachel asks, a serious look on her face.
“Yes. She said you should be able to go home in a couple days.”
“Not about that.” She glances down at the bed. “About us having more children.”
I hesitate, not ready to have this conversation. It’s not the right time. We’re both happy after just being with our baby and I don’t want to bring the mood down by talking about this. I’m concerned that Rachel will want more children despite the risks, and I don’t want to fight about it. Because it’s going to be a fight. I’m not going to risk losing her again.
“Pearce, I’m going to have my tubes tied.”
I hold her hand. “When did you decide this?”
“After the doctor told me what happened in the delivery room. Then she told me the risks of having another child, and I can’t do it. I’m a mother and a wife. I can’t risk something happening to me. I need to be here for you and Garret.”
I pull her into my arms. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I know this isn’t what you want. But it’s too dangerous for you to do this again. When I almost lost you, I—” My voice cracks and I take a breath. “I can’t lose you.”
“I know.” She gently pushes me back and puts her hand on my cheek, her eyes on mine. “I won’t do that to you. Or to me. I don’t need to. I have you and I have Garret and that’s more than enough. I love you both so much.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.” I kiss her forehead, then sit back. “I don’t want you going through more surgery. I’ll get a vasectomy.”
“No. I don’t want…” She holds my hand and looks down at it.
“What is it, Rachel?”
“I don’t want you getting a vasectomy, in case…” She looks up at me. “In case something ever happens to me.”
Panic surges inside me, coursing through my veins. Why would she say that? Why would she even think it? Nothing is going to happen to her. I tell myself that every day so I can get through the guilt I feel for bringing her into my life. Into the darkness that is Dunamis. Despite my involvement with them, Rachel will be safe. She’ll always be safe. Nothing bad will happen to her. I have to believe that and I need her to believe it as well.
Rachel’s referring to something else that would take her away from me. A car accident. An illness. But I still don’t want to hear it. Nothing bad will happen to her. That’s all I choose to believe.
“Do not talk that way,” I say firmly. “I would never let anything happen to you.”
“I’m just being realistic,” she says, softly rubbing my hand. “I never thought my parents would die so suddenly, but then they did. Accidents happen.”
I keep my head down, my eyes on our hands. “Yes, well, they’re not happening to you.”
She lifts my chin up, forcing our gazes to meet. “But if something did happen, I would want you to find love again. And be able to have more children.”
“No.” I quickly back away and get up off the bed, angry that she would even suggest that. “Absolutely not. I would not marry someone else and I would not have more children. Stop talking about this. We’re not having this conversation.”
“Pearce.” She reaches for me. “Come sit down.”
“Rachel, we’re done. I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Fine. But please come over here.”
I sigh and sit back down beside her.
She takes my hand again. “So could you bring the baby by tomorrow morning?”
“Yes. Of course.”
She smiles. “You’re going to be such a great dad. You can take him to baseball games and teach him how to throw a football and give him advice about girls.”
“He’ll have to get advice about women from someone else. I’m definitely not an expert in that.”
“You obviously are, or you wouldn’t have convinced me to marry you just a few months after meeting you.”
“Perhaps I caught you at a weak moment.”
“Or perhaps you’re a gentleman who knows how to treat a woman. Things you will someday teach our son so that he finds love just like you did.”
“If he’s able to find the kind of love that I feel for you, then he will be a very lucky man.” I kiss her forehead, then bring her into my arms and hold her.
I’m so relieved she made the decision to not get pregnant again. If she’d decided otherwise, I would’ve had to convince her not to do it, then risk her resenting me for taking away her chance to have another child. But she already knew how I felt about this. Before she even got pregnant, I made it clear that if her health was ever put in jeopardy by having
a child, I would not agree to having another one.
“I love you,” she whispers by my ear.
“I love you too.” I give her a kiss, then stand up. “I should get going. The nurse said she has things she needs to go over with me before I bring the baby home.”
“Okay.” She’s smiling. “Good luck.”
I smile back. “Are you saying I can’t do this?”
She’s laughing now. “No. I’m just wondering how bad the house is going to look when I get home. Dirty diapers everywhere. Spilled bottles all over the house. Who knows what else I’ll find?”
I shake my head, still smiling. “I am perfectly capable of doing this. I head a division at a major corporation. I have degrees from Harvard and Yale. I think I can figure this out.”
“Okay,” she says, biting her lip so she doesn’t laugh. But then she does.
“Rachel, he is an eight and a half pound baby who sleeps all the time. How much trouble could he be?”
“No trouble at all,” she says trying to be serious. “I’m sure you two will be just fine together.”
I kiss her goodbye. “I’m leaving before you destroy my confidence.”
Truthfully, my confidence was destroyed before she even said those things. I have zero confidence I can do this. But I have to try, because as soon as I leave her room, the nurse approaches me and tells me Garret is ready to go home.
Shit. How the hell am I going to do this?
CHAPTER TWO
2
PEARCE
I managed to make it home with the baby and get him into the house. It’s August, so it’s hot and humid outside but the house is cool from the air conditioning. Maybe it’s too cool for a baby. But I don’t want him being too hot. There was nothing in the books about the proper room temperature for an infant, so how is one supposed to know? He can’t tell me if he’s hot or cold.
He’s not crying so that’s a good sign. I bring him upstairs, carefully taking each step so I don’t drop him. I go in the nursery, which Rachel decorated during the few months she wasn’t on bed rest. The walls are light green because we weren’t sure if we were having a boy or a girl. There’s a white rocking chair in the corner next to the crib and across from that is a white dresser and changing table. Rachel stocked the room with baby supplies, so at least I have what I need, although I’m not sure how to use them all.